For most people, New Year’s Eve is a time to be thankful and celebrate a fresh start. My 2010 New Year’s Eve was nothing to celebrate. My boyfriend of four years broke up with me on the phone because he was out of town with some of his friends. He told me there were other things that he wanted in life. I was shocked. I thought that we were happy and sure we had our fights, but I thought that love would be enough to make our relationship last. My friends and family told me to get over him. They thought he was no good for me. But what they didn’t understand was that he was the only boyfriend I ever had. He was my high school sweetheart and my first love. I shared my first kiss with him, went to prom with him, and we sat next to each other through two graduations (one from high school, the other from city college). How did they expect me to get over him so quickly?
I spent my heart break days thinking about my ex and going over in my head what I could have done to make him unhappy. I knew I wasn’t perfect, but who is. I took a trip up to Oregon to visit my grandparents, and it was nice to get away. The trip made me think about our relationship. Because we were no longer together, I was able to look at it from a different perspective. Sure, my heart wanted me to look at all the good things. It wanted me to look at the things that made me happy and made me love him. But my brain looked at the things that didn’t make me happy. I was able to see that he changed as a person. He wasn’t the motivated guy I fell in love with in high school. He no longer went out of his way to do things for me. It made me feel like he simply did not care about the relationship. When I texted him, he would sometimes reply back. Our nightly phone calls were to minimum most of the time because he either wanted to hang out with his friends, or sometimes he said he was too tired to talk for longer than ten minutes.
After I realized all these things, I knew he wasn’t the guy for me. But my heart would still try to convince me that I still needed him. As time went on, some guys showed they had interest in me, but my heart was telling me that I was never going to love anyone more than my ex. I stopped thinking about relationships and put more focus on school, work and friends. This made time past, but I still felt a little tug at my heart every now and then.
I started talking to a guy about three months after my ex and I broke up. I just expected to be friends with him. But he soon told me that he wanted to be more than just friends. I used to work with him. He was very sweet and charming and not to sound corny, but he swept me off my feet. He was everything that I could have ever wanted in a guy. The funny part is he came into my life when I had completely given up on the idea of another relationship. My ex started trying to contact me again. He told me he made a mistake and that leaving me was the biggest mistake of his life. But I knew I no longer wanted a relationship with him.
I am still with this new guy and we have been together over a year now. I often ask myself If I regret being in a relationship with my ex. The answer is yes and no. Yes I regret the fact that I let him take me for granted longer then I should have, and no because I knew that I loved him with all of my heart. Relationships are nothing to regret if you have truly loved the other person. I like to think of my relationship with my ex as more of a learning experience.
If you just recently got out of a relationship, my advice to you is don’t go straight back to that person. Give yourself time and think about why the relationship didn’t work. Once a person is out of a relationship, they can see things that they were blind to before. Once my ex was out of the picture, I was able to ask myself what kinds of things make me happy. If you truly don’t want the person back, don’t be in a rush to get into another relationship. The best relationships happen when you least expect it. If a relationship is meant to be, it will happen. Remember all things happen for a reason. Maybe the relationship didn’t work out because there is someone better and more compatible waiting for you.