Ever since the male gender became an object of my attention, I have been the type of girl to fall too hard for a guy. That’s not even the bad part though… The real trouble came when I continued to feel for a guy that was no longer in my life. I severely struggled with the concept of letting go and even more so with the idea of moving on.
For the sake of the story, let’s call him Jeff. Jeff hurt me, bad. He had this funny way of making me feel like the most important girl in the world and then leaving out of the blue, completely unannounced. He would come back time after time, and I let him come back. Every. Single. Time. When we were together, everything fell into place. But, when he decided to end things for good, it felt as if my world fell apart.
And now… cue my pathetic attempt at getting over him. Deleting his number only worked for so long (especially when the iPhone doesn’t let you permanently delete numbers!!!) Social media became the devil on my shoulder. If I saw a picture of him on Instagram or one of his posts on Facebook, my brain kicked into turbo gear. Rather than hating him for hurting me, I started to hate myself for letting him down. It sounds psychotic, I know, but this is what happens when you fall hard. I over-analyzed every bit of myself and questioned where I fell short in his eyes. It was during one of these overly critical self-analyses that I had a major wakeup call. I was letting someone else control my life and the only life I have.
Don’t get me wrong; this took me an extremely long time. I had days where I didn’t want to leave my bed or even attempt to face the world. In the difficult process of letting go, I had a life changing realization. As cliché as it may sound, everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Above all else, they come into our lives as teachers; to teach us what we want, what we deserve, what we need to leave behind.
So, here’s to you, Jeff (and every other “man” in my past), In your attempts to bring me down, I found myself.