Riddles and Jokes to Use on Your Family This Thanksgiving

Courtesy of cnn.com

We’ve all been there: we love our family, but the last time we saw a number of them, we were in pigtails and they were pinching our cheeks. For some people, it may be that we are completely comfortable with our family, but we need something to pass the time besides football and the parade while the turkey is slowly roasting. Or maybe it’s just time that our Dads, “the jokesters”, got new material. Either way, whip out these riddles and jokes to stump your family and make their full bellies on Thanksgiving Day.

A guy walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun, points it at the guy, and says “get out of my bar”.  Then, the man thanks him, and walks out. Why did he thank him?

  • ANSWER: The man had the hiccups; that’s why he asked for a glass of water, and the bartender scared him out of his hiccups. 

What is weightless, visible to the naked eye, and if it’s put in a barrel full of water, it will make the barrel lighter?

  • ANSWER: a hole.

Mary’s father has five children. They are Nana, Nene, Nini, and Nono. What is the fifth child’s name?

  • ANSWER: Mary.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

  • ANSWER: Pumpkin Pi 

Just look at me you’d think I’m dead.Yet still I am known as jolly. Where I am raised grows fear and dread. You taunt me at your folly. Can you guess?

  • ANSWER: your stomach

What kind of grades do pirates get in school?

  • ANSWER: High Seas

A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with an attractive girl named Brittney. A bus driver had to go on a long trip, that would last about a week. But before he leaves, he gives Brittney seven apples. Why did he do that?

  • ANSWER: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Why are 1990 dollar bills worth more than 1989 bills?

  • ANSWER: the same reason that 9 dollar bills are worth more than 8- there is one more. 

A beggar’s brother died, but the man that died had no brother. How was this so?

  • ANSWER: the beggar was a woman.

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “We don’t serve ropes in here.” The rope goes into the bathroom, ties itself up, messes up its hair, and walks back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Didn’t I just tell you? We don’t serve ropes here.” The rope says, “I’m a frayed knot.”

What gets more wet the more it dries?

  • ANSWER: A towel


Just Thanksgiving Jokes

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?

  • ANSWER: The Turkey- he’s already stuffed

If you see a (insert team) fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?

  • ANSWER:It could be your bike

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

  • ANSWER: Plymouth Rock

What Key has legs and can’t open doors?

  • ANSWER: a turkey
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