What Your Favorite Brand Says About You

What your favorite brand says about you… because stereotyping is fun.

Juicy Couture

  • You and your significant other have matching track suits.
  • You drink nonfat soy lattes.
  • Your favorite position is upward-facing dog.
  • You only pretend to like yoga so that you can post yoga selfies to Instagram.
  • You secretly have a BeDazzler in you closet.
  • The writing on the butt of your favorite short shorts says more about you than a thousand words.

Lucky Brand

  • You love the smell of “musk”.
  • You recycle.
  • You own every Brittany Spears album to date.
  • And you sing “Baby One More Time” off-key, in the shower, on a daily basis.
  • You are a fiscal Republican and a social Democrat.
  • You’re just a t-shirt, blue-jeans, fear-of-commitment kind of girl.

Louis Vuitton 

  • You have a trust fund.
  • You pretend not to be into labels, but you’re totally into labels.
  • When you are 47 you will still refer to your father as ‘daddy’.
  • Your ideal first date involves a hot air ballon.
  • You keep ’emergency Godiva’ on hand like most people keep milk.
  • You say ‘totes magotes’ in casual conversation as often as possible.

Hot Topic

  • You believe that you’re misunderstood.
  • And you let the world know it.
  • You can’t fall asleep without the help of Lunesta and Avril Lavigne Pandora.
  • When you do sleep, you wear an oversized Fall Out Boy t-shirt to bed (The ‘old’ Fall Out Boy, not the ‘new’ Fall Out Boy).
  • You say your favorite group is A Day to Remember, but it’s really Evanescence.
  • Someday, you’ll be rich for creating a new brand of organic liquid eyeliner.

jcp (JC Penney’s)

  • You wear Mom jeans.
  • You were making wreaths out of left over wine corks before Pinterest was cool.
  • You are frugal.
  • Sometimes you watch SpongeBob SquarePants while you’re getting ready in the morning.
  • Your house smells like pine needle scented candles, all year-round.
  • You own and use calligraphy pens.


  • You can name every episode of Sonny With a Chance.
  • You like to crimp your hair.
  • Turquoise eye shadow makes your eyes “pop”.
  • You wear homemade tutus to sporting events.
  • Your guilty pleasure is stealing your sister’s Seventeen magazines.
  • You’re a tween.

HCo. (Hollister Co.)

  • You pretend your life is taking place on the set of Laguna Beach (And you’re Kristin Cavallari).
  • Fake-baking was/is your favorite after school activity.
  • You believe that “everything you need to know is in that first kiss”.
  • You don’t eat carbs.
  • You’ve probably explored your sexuality more than people who just shop at Abercrombie and Fitch.

Victoria’s Secret

  • It’s not a good day if your underwear doesn’t match your bra.
  • You don’t think there is anything wrong with the word “panties”.
  • You don’t know how much perfume is too much perfume.
  • You’re ‘playing the field’ when it comes to men and diet plans.
  • Last year, you ate an entire carton of Chunky Monkey Ben and Jerry’s while watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

Victoria’s Secret PINK

  • You own at least 7 pairs of yoga pants.
  • You believe that yoga pants count as dress pants.
  • You have at least 11.1K tweets.
  • You, like, hate girls who are basic. Almost as much as you hate being called basic.
  • You bring a tumbler to the gym.

Bonus: You ‘Only Shop Vintage’

  • You try to only buy things that are made out of Hemp.
  • Once, you were arrested for chaining yourself to a tree/building that was set to be destroyed.
  • You secretly found inner peace behind the bars of your jail cell.
  • You buy 200 dollar loofahs.
  • You only drink herbal teas.
  • Your cat is named after a famous activist.


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Molly is a small-town girl with great-big dreams. As a sophomore Magazine Journalism and Creative Writing major at Drake University, her dream is to write for a nationally acclaimed magazine and travel the globe as much as possible. She is currently an editorial intern for The Valley News, and is beyond thrilled to be joining the Sarah Scoop team. In her spare time, Molly enjoys running (as far as possible), reading trashy romance novels, riding horses with her friends, cow-tipping, and binge-watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. reruns. Fashion, hair-care, and listicals are the three things she knows best, and she considers herself a Ben & Jerry’s prodigy, considering she always has the scoop.

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  1. Pingback: What Your Favorite Brand Says About You | Hot Ta-Molly

    • Sharon Siqueiros
    • August 11, 2014


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