100 Best Quotes From Everything Sucks
Everything Sucks tells the story of three high school freshmen who are all trying to survive high school and accumulate the best memories. Luke, Tyler, and McQuaid attend fictionally and ironically titled Boring High school in Oregon.
Here is the scoop on quotes from Everything Sucks!
1. “Good morning BHS! I’m Jessica Betts.” – Jessica Betts
Episode one of the series opens with Jessica Betts introducing the live morning announcements. The students of Boring High School watch with minimal amusement shown on their faces.
2. ” – and here are your morning announcements from Friday, September 27, 1996.” – Jessica Betts
Jessica continues the morning announcements after introducing her co-anchor Scott Pocket. She reminds students of the date — a date which tells us the time period in which the show is set in.
3. “Guys, we’re in high school now. We gotta find our people.” – Luke
Luke O’Neil reminds his friends Tyler and McQuaid that a new School level means they need to participate in extra-curricular activities in order to make new friends. He wants to grow their friend group, and also possibly dabble in romantic experiences.
4. “In world news, President Clinton has signed the Defensive marriage act, which defines marriage between one man and one woman.” – Jessica Betts
Jessica informs the student body of relevant world news. In the present day, we may be reminded of this piece of history and how far we have come.
5. “And those are your morning announcements. Have a boring day.” – Jessica Betts.
Jessica ironically uses the name of the town of Boring to outro the morning announcements.
6. “Well there’s gunk on the lens — makes the autofocus get stuck — but I have tools at home. Can I check this out or something?” – Luke
Luke makes his first attempt at getting Kate to admire him by offering to help her fix the school camera that she is responsible for. Kate doesn’t jump at their offer, as she reminds him that freshmen — like Luke — are not allowed to check out the school cameras to take home.
7. “Easy there Romeo. You are tampering with plutonium.” – Mr. Stargrove
The A/V club teacher Mr. Stargrove informs Luke that Kate is Principal Messner’s daughter. Luke and his friends panic over the dramatic comparison.
8. “My cousin Rory says everyone has sex in high school. Even nerds — like — with each other.” – Tyler
During a lunch conversation between friends, Tyler gets excited over the possibility that he may be more likely to lose his virginity now that he is in high school. He bases this assumption on a comment his cousin made previously.
9. “According to my calculations, there’s a 2% chance of getting laid by senior year.” – McQuaid
McQuaid shares insight on the likelihood that any of the boys in the group will be losing their virginities while in high school. He doesn’t believe they have much of a chance and thinks they should focus on more important duties.
10. “She seems cool, but she is a sophomore. High-hopes, low-expectations.” – Tyler
When asked how he feels about Kate, Tyler leaves much to be desired. He has no particular concern about her, but he doesn’t want the group to get their hopes up and be disappointed if she steers them wrong.
11. “If you look up deadbeat dad, there’d be a picture of Leroy O’Neil.” – Luke
Luke shares the story of his father leaving him with Kate. He has no intention of sugar-coating it. His father left them high and dry, and there is no excuse for that.
12. “It’s like I have to be some exemplary student ’cause of who he is.” – Kate
Kate hints that she is annoyed by her father’s position at the school and what it means for her. She would rather live more simply, but she is expected to be active and academic in school due to her father’s position as principal.
13. “What’s a five-year-old supposed to say to a counselor?” – Kate
Kate shares even more about her childhood with Luke. She tells him about when her mother passed from illness, and Kate was expected to vent to a counselor at only five years old.
14. “What I want you to remember is attraction is not limited to our physical forms, despite what some people believe.” – Principal Ken Messner
Mr. Messner catches Kate paging through a magazine riddled with scandalously dressed female models. He tells her he is not upset by her choice of reading material, but that he wants her to understand what is expected of her physical form.
15. “She is all that and a bag of chips.” – Luke
Luke tells his mother Sherry about Kate and how he feels about her. Sherry is exuberantly excited for her son.
16. “If Kate’s really a lesbian, does that mean she has AIDS?” – A student in the girl’s restroom
Kate overhears two girls in the school bathroom gossiping about the latest rumors about her.
17. “You’re so out of touch with your inner truth, you can’t even have a genuine conversation.” – Oliver
Oliver and Emaline argue over her conversational immaturity. Oliver wants to know about an incident that happened to Emaline in the girl’s gym locker room.
18. “He might be the smartest, most passionate little man on this planet.” – Leroy O’Neill
Luke watches tapes that his father Leroy left behind years prior. The first of the many tapes is an introduction, during which Leroy talks about his family, including Luke.
19. “I realize that all of this may feel really sudden, but I just want to let you know, I’m really happy you said yes to going out with me.” – Luke
Luke shows thanks to Kate for agreeing to date him. Kate secretly isn’t so sure that this relationship.
20. “I’m asking the guilty party to step forward, otherwise I will be forced to conduct a thorough investigation.” Principal Ken Messner
Principal Messner announces that the pulled fire alarm after school hours the night before has postponed the drama club’s play. Luke and Kate exchange looks, knowing that they were responsible for the incident.
21. “A two-headed serpent hath crept into our garden.” – Oliver
Oliver and Emaline dramatically expose Luke for being present after school hours when the fire alarm was pulled. They are getting back at him for sabotaging their play.
22. “I’m gonna make your life a living hell freshman.” Emaline
Emaline promises to make Luke feel her wrath. This is her promise to get revenge for his sabotaging the play.
23. “After awhile you sorta develop a sixth sense for these things.” – Principal Ken Messner
Principal Messner comforts Sherry O’Neill about her good parenting. They meet to discuss Luke’s fire alarm incident, but a romance sparks in the process.
24. “You’re so lucky. Luke’s like super in love with you.” – Leslie
Leslie complains to Kate about a previous love interest and his antics. She notes that Luke has obvious feelings for Kate.
25. “Now in the future, I would like to hear about those things from you.” – Sherry O’Neill
Sherry questions Luke about why he didn’t update her about his official relationship with Kate. She is embarrassed that she had to hear the news from Kate’s father.
26. “Kiss or no kiss, your relationship was doomed before it even began.” – McQuaid
McQuaid implies that he never had faith in Kate and Luke’s relationship. Luke wonders if he and Kate should be more physical at this stage in their relationship.
27. “War isn’t glorious. There is no shame in running away.” – McQuaid
McQuaid would rather hold back than continue to badger the drama club kids. The rest of his friend group is considering meeting up with the drama club kids to come to an agreement.
28. “Now that the show is canceled, what the hell am I doing wasting my time in Boring. Screw it, I’ll leave tomorrow.” – Oliver
Oliver admits that he always planned to move to New York after high school. With the play canceled, he feels there is no use staying in his hometown of Boring.
29. “Maybe all the unfortunate things that happened recently are actually good things.” – Luke
Luke makes his best attempt to make amends with the drama club kids with his own friends by his side. He offers the idea for the A/V club and the drama club to join forces and make a movie together.
30. “I just like Luke to feel like we’re a team — you know — like he can trust me as a friend.” – Sherry O’Neill
On her first date with Ken Messner, Sherry speaks about her relationship with her son. She offers insight into why she was light on his punishment after the fire alarm incident.
31. “Our hero, even though he wants to save all of humanity from the aliens, he can’t because he’s in love.” – Kate
Kate helps Luke convince the drama club kids to agree to star in this movie as a truce. She suggests a background romance storyline.
32. “I always wanted to throw toilet paper on a house.” -Principal Ken Messner
Mr. Messner admits to Sherry that he was a wonderfully behaved child and student. She asks him if he ever wishes he had broken a rule or two.
33. “Is he Meisner? Is he Stanislavsky?” – Oliver
Oliver befriends Tyler and asks about Luke’s film directing abilities. Tyler confirms that Luke is great at what he is offering to do for the drama students.
34. “Don’t throw it away like that. It’s your name, you only get one of them.” – Oliver
Oliver gives Tyler advice on how to best present himself.
35. “We don’t need to tell the kids about this right?” – Sherry O’Neil
Sherry suggests that Luke and Kate do not need to know about the budding romance between her and Ken. Ken replies that she is probably right.
36. “No apple-bobbing, cherry-picking or pumpkin-patching.” – Emaline
Emaline lists off the rules for the group’s game of spin the bottle. The A/V club students show hesitation when asked to play.
37. “Alright Freshmen, let’s make a movie.” – Oliver
Oliver speaks for the rest of the drama club students when he agrees to join forces with the A/V club and make a movie.
38. “Honestly, no offense, but I don’t see how you could possibly help me with this.” – Kate
Kate admits that she thinks she is a lesbian. Luke refuses to let her be uncertain, so he uses library books on male anatomy to test if she is attracted to it.
39. “Did you hate it when we kissed?” – Luke
Luke grows insecure about his intimate moment with Kate. Kate comforts him saying his kiss was nice, she just doesn’t think she is attracted to males.
40. “You are homosexual, with heterosexual tendencies.” – Luke
Luke helps Kate take a quiz out of a library book to help determine if she is homosexual. The results determine that she has qualities of both, but that she is officially homosexual.
41. “I was just thinking, I’d like to get to know Kate’s first boyfriend a little better.” – Principal Ken Messner
Principal Ken Messner invites Luke over to his home for dinner one night while Luke’s mother Sherry is out of town. In the meantime, Kate and Luke agree to keep dating so that Kate can keep her secret about her sexuality to herself until she is more prepared to come out.
42. “Now that you have a boyfriend, I’m assuming a new wardrobe is on the agenda.” – Emaline
Emaline invites Kate to go shopping with her. While at the store, Emaline suggests that Kate should be reconsidering how she dresses.
43. “Your appearance tells the world who you are and what you want.” – Emaline
While helping Kate update her wardrobe, Emaline inspires Kate to dress for who she is and what she is there for. Kate stares blankly back.
44. “The key is finding the weird that goes with your weird.” – Leroy O’Neill
Back on the pre-recorded tapes of Leroy, he speaks about Luke’s mother Sherry. He expresses that she was the perfect match for him.
45. “Here’s to what I hope is many more Chinese take out dinners.” – Luke
Luke shows gratitude to Mr. Messner for having him over for dinner. While the food was not a homemade dinner, Luke expresses that he had a great time.
46. “If Luke’s over there, and you thought I wasn’t home, why are you calling?” – Sherry O’Neill
After Ken Messner calls the O’Neill home just as Sherry arrives back from her trip, she asks why he was calling if he assumed no one would be home. This question leads to Ken confessing that he is very attracted to her.
47. “Are we gonna start sometime today? I am melting in this makeup!” – Oliver
Oliver complains about the time it is taking for the A/V club to set up before filming the first scenes of the movie. He is uncomfortable in the heavy alien makeup that goes along with his costume.
48.”I beg you, please do not leave me and go to earth. Earthlings care for no one but themselves.” – Emaline as Zarginda
Emaline plays her part in the movie by working to convince Oliver’s character, Blorg, not to travel to earth. Blorg argues that it is what he has to do.
49. “You’re going to New York without me aren’t you? You’re gonna ditch me after you graduate. I know it.” – Emaline
Emaline complains that she suspects Oliver is planning on moving to New York immediately after he graduates a year before she does to leave her back in Boring. Oliver doesn’t have a response.
50. “We are going to die in a car accident, and end up in that awful movie that they show in driver’s ed.” – Kate
When Luke buys Kate tickets to see her favorite musician in Portland, he suggests that she drives them to the city without a license to see the show. Kate obliges but expresses her concern while on the road to Portland.
51. “I figured it’s high time I checked this one off the list too.” – Principal Ken Messner
Since Sherry already helped him step out of his comfort zone the last time they saw each other, Ken invites her to guide him through his first time smoking marijuana.
52. “Wow. I’ve never been to the city without my dad or a teacher before.” – Kate
Kate shares that her experience being in the city was already limited, but this is her first time traveling there without an adult.
53. “Back in high school, we used to cut class and we’d go sit out by the airport and get stoned and watch the planes take off.” – Sherry O’Neill
While smoking with Ken Messner, Sherry recalls her younger years with Leroy, Luke’s father. Ken has no stories of his own to share.
54. “When you’re young, you feel like there’s this whole big world out there full of possibility, and I chased that feeling.” – Sherry O’Neill
Sherry also recalls being young and feeling optimistic about her future. She remembers not being concerned with her future once.
55. “I don’t like saying that about the father of my kid, but he is not the father that Luke deserves.” – Sherry O’Neill
Sherry complains harshly about Leroy and how Luke was let down by him. She knows she is being harsh but she doesn’t necessarily regret it.
56. “Are you kidding? I still can’t believe you did this for me!” – Kate
Upon arriving at the concert in Portland and finding their seats, Luke apologizes for the far seats he chose. Kate is thankful regardless of the seats.
57. “I can actually feel my brain working.” – Principal Ken Messner
Ken starts feeling the side effects of marijuana. He acts childish and grows hungry for snacks.
58. “This whole time, I never thought I’d feel a connection with anyone ever again… until now.” – Principal Ken Messner
Ken expresses that he previously had doubts that he would ever be romantically interested in another woman after Kate’s mother passed away. On the contrary, he now finds that he has a romantic connection with Sherry.
59. “Date, fake date, what’s the difference really.” – Luke
When Kate is uncomfortable with Luke continuing to treat the concert night like a date, Luke argues that since they are continuing to tell people that they are dating, then they should act like they are.
60. “Our relationship is not real.” – Kate
After Luke’s selfish attempt at calming her, Kate snaps and argues that their relationship is not real. This leads to her telling him she wants to break up.
61. “My whole life I’ve been the freak. The girl who nobody picked for dodgeball, the girl who didn’t have a mom, the girl who dressed funny because it was her dad buying her clothes. Tonight, I looked at all these people and I thought maybe there’s a future where I don’t have to be a freak.” – Kate
Kate recalls always feeling like the odd one out. Her thoughts were triggered by some people she spotted at the concert all being themselves no matter who was watching.
62. “I never said you couldn’t be who you are. I told you whoever you are — whatever you are — it doesn’t matter to me.” – Luke
Luke continues to fight for a relationship that was never actually there in the first place. He cares so much for Kate that he is blinded by the fact that she is not attracted to him romantically.
63. “Ok so now what? You’re just gonna go to school and tell everyone that you’re a lesbian?” – Luke
Luke knows from previous discussions with Kate that she is terribly nervous to come out to anyone in school.
64. “I told you from the beginning how I felt, and you wouldn’t hear it because all you care about is yourself.” – Kate
Kate knows this isn’t true: she just feels this way at the moment. The truth is, that Luke cares about her so much that he doesn’t want to let her go.
65. “You like the idea of me. You like the idea of having a girlfriend. But really you’re just using me to make yourself feel better about everything in your life that sucks.” – Kate
Kate’s comments to Luke become harsher. She knows he has had hardships and still does. She uses this to make him feel worse about holding her back from what she wants for herself.
66. “Well you two had yourselves quite an adventure tonight, didn’t ya?” – Principal Ken Messner
When the car Luke and Kate took to the concert is stolen from the parking spot, Kate calls Ken to pick them up. The kids are silent, as Ken begins to scold them.
67. “Who crapped in his Cap ‘n Crunch?” – Mr. Stargrove
Reeling from his breakup with Kate, Luke snaps at the movie crew, including Mr. Stargrove. Stargrove jokingly asks the group what is wrong with Luke.
68. “If you said candy man in the mirror five times Luke would show up.” – McQuaid
Tyler and McQuaid make fun of Luke for his latest dramatic scene. The whole room of students steps back, afraid of Luke’s mood.
69. “What are you — a hacker or something?” – Oliver
The drama club students suggest capping off a night of filming with some drug intake. Tyler remembers a webpage that lists at-home remedies for getting high. Oliver is impressed by Tyler’s internet knowledge.
70. “Users who ingest an approximate dose of at least of at least 37 tablespoons may experience hallucinogenic effects.” – McQuaid
The webpage Tyler finds suggests a large intake of nutmeg to get high. McQuaid reads the specifics to the group.
71. “Dad, I held it over a flame first, I’m not a moron.” – Kate
Kate makes an impulse move and pierces her own nose in her bedroom. Ken shows concern for her method.
72. “I’ll be your tether to reality. Yeah, every journey needs a sherpa.” – McQuaid
McQuaid uses metaphors to get out of overconsuming nutmeg for hallucinogenic purposes with the rest of the group. Everyone else considers it his loss.
73. “I’m not the one who just mutilated myself for fun.” – Principal Ken Messner.
After Ken finds Kate bleeding from the outside of her nose, he jumps to clean up her wound. As he is doing so, Kate notices he seems overly joyful and asks what is going on with him.
74. “Out of respect for her, she would prefer that we not talk about it with anyone. I’ll tell you as soon as she gives me the ‘OK’.” – Principal Ken Messner
Ken admits that he is seeing someone, but refuses to tell Kate who it is. Kate persists a bit, but can’t blame for respecting the wishes of his special someone.
75. “Why would someone put that on the net if it wasn’t true?” – Oliver
After consuming the recommended amount of nutmeg, the students collectively conclude that it has not affected them. Oliver makes an ironic comment.
76. “The end of the night, I’m packing up my stuff, and this lard ass.” – Leroy O’Neill
On pre-recorded tape, Leroy tells the story of his night filming wedding festivities.
77. “If you ever wanna just hang out, or if you need anything, I’m always here sweetie.” – Principal Ken Messner
Ken reminds Kate that he is available to her for support. Kate appreciates the gesture.
78. “Oh the good gracious glory of an ever-expanding mind.” – Oliver
Oliver feels the effects of the nutmeg after the group doubles their intake. Emaline admits she doesn’t feel a thing.
79. “You have to be selfless when you’re in a mature relationship like ours.” – Emaline
Even though she is missing out on the effects of the nutmeg, Emaline is glad Oliver is enjoying himself. She offers words of wisdom to McQuaid.
80. “You really should come down — Never mix drugs with heights.” – McQuaid
Oliver’s side effects lead him to climb up into a tree. McQuaid acts as a voice of reason, suggesting that the combination of the drugs and the heights could be dangerous.
81. “We’re all the heroes of our own story. Without even realizing it, we’re probably the bad guy in someone else’s.” – Leroy O’Neill
Leroy on the pre-recorded tapes suggests that even if we are protecting ourselves and our own reputation, we may be hurting someone else without even knowing it. This line of Leroy’s is meant to push Luke to realize that he is hurting Kate badgering her to date him.
82. “It looks like someone saw The Craft.” – Mr. Stargrove
While loading students on the bus to ride to LA for a particular scene-setting, this is Mr. Stargrove’s reaction to Emaline’s dark makeup she wore expressing her emotions over the latest news about Oliver.
83. “I’m driving you kids all the way to LA to shoot a scene for your movie and your lead isn’t even here?” – Mr. Stargrove
Tyler reveals that Oliver left a notice that he was skipping out of town for New York early, and would not be a part of the rest of the movie. Mr. Stargrove questions the purpose of traveling to LA without their star.
84. “My actings probably garb, but maybe that will provide a new layer of humor.” – McQuaid
McQuaid offers up his services to replace Oliver. Unbeknownst to everyone else, this is his attempt at getting closer to Emaline.
85. “Someone who would leave you like that isn’t worth it to begin with.” – Kate
Kate and Emaline chat in their hotel room in LA. Kate offers comfort to Emaline for the last-minute disappearance of Oliver. Emaline is simply angry and doesn’t offer much of a response.
86. “You just exist. You don’t have to be anything for anybody.” – Emaline
Rather than continue talking about Oliver, Emaline reveals that she is jealous of Kate for her ability to freely be herself. Emaline has been presented from the very beginning as someone who is concerned about who is watching and what they think of her.
87. “I think you’re the sexiest and attractive person I’ve ever met in my entire life.” – Kate
Kate jumps to confess her feelings to Emaline. She has had her eye on her for weeks, but only now feels comfortable admitting it.
88. “You said you wished you knew him better. Well, now is your chance.” – Kate
Kate tracks down Leroy, Luke’s father, and convinces Luke to take the bus for a joyride from LA to Hollywood. On the way, she finally tells Luke why and stops at the blockbuster where Leroy works.
89. “Okay well you don’t have to be shy. If you do need help, my name is Leroy. ” – Leroy O’Neill
Leroy runs into Luke in the blockbuster but doesn’t recognize his own son. Luke is disappointed and storms out of the DVD store.
90. “Did dad bail on us or did you drive him out?” – Luke
After catching Mr. Messner and his mother Sherry in bed together, Luke rebels and suggests that she had more to do with his father leaving than she ever let on. Sherry denies the possibility and ends the argument there.
91. “I want you to know, that for the first time in ten years, I feel happy — actually happy — with you. I’m ready to fight for my happiness.” – Principal Ken Messner
Sherry speaks to Ken on the phone and reveals that she no longer thinks it’s acceptable that they see each other. Ken doesn’t hesitate to persist.
92. “What I’m about to tell you should be considered classified.” – McQuaid
McQuaid runs to Tyler after suspecting that Emaline has feelings for him. However, he doesn’t want the information to be shared beyond them.
93. “Even if I’m wrong, I would rather feel a sense of shame and regret failing than not trying at all.” – McQuaid
McQuaid knows it is unlikely that the most popular girl in school would have a crush on him, but wants to test his theory just in case.
94. “The female species is extremely powerful and highly mysterious.” – Leslie
Leslie shows some interest in Tyler, but he doesn’t pick up on the signs. Instead, he thinks she is just giving him insight into why all of his friends are becoming involved with girls.
95. “I don’t have one good take of Tyler saying his line right, The aliens look like they live on sesame street and this asteroid belt thing doesn’t make any sense.” – Luke
During his final touches of editing the movie, Luke grows frustrated with the quality of the film. Kate checks in on him, but he is so stressed that he refuses to give her any of his time.
96. “She checked me out of school that morning and told them we had a family commitment.” – Kate
Kate demands that Luke step away from editing the movie and join her. On their walk, Kate tells the truth about her mother’s final days. Her mother gave her one last fund day together before taking her own life after being frustrated with her deteriorating health.
97. “In the obituary, my dad just said her death was related to illness.” – Kate
Kate continues to tell her mother’s story, revealing that Ken refrained from announcing the truth about how her mother actually passed. Technically, he didn’t lie, he just didn’t tell the whole truth.
98. “I don’t have the luxury of getting mad at my mom over petty bullshit.” – Kate
Kate is frustrated with how Luke handled finding out about their parents’ budding romance. She reminds him that her mother is not around for her to fight with. She hints that Luke is acting spoiled and selfish.
99. Nervousness is an irrational feeling that has no practical application whatsoever.” – McQuaid
When asked if she is nervous about the movie premiere, McQuaid has some words of wisdom. He still admits that he is nervous after the fact.
100. “This guy I once knew said that in order to be an artist, you couldn’t be held back by things.” – Luke
Luke shares some wisdom as well in the form of sharing a line from one of his father’s tapes. He speaks this truth before premiering the movie.
Everything Sucks was canceled after its first and only season. While the storyline between Kate and Luke may have come to an end, there is so much more viewers would like to see!
Watch Everything Sucks on Netflix!
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