100 Best Quotes from Modern Family
The Primetime Emmy Award-winning series, Modern Family follows loving parents, Phil and Claire. They wish to improve their relationships with their three kids; however, obstacles seem to hinder their efforts. Modern Family may be a comedy sitcom that mocks a documentary, but the show highlights realistic challenges when it comes to parenting and family life.
Moreover, some of the most memorable aspects of the show include the hilarious punchlines and the diversity of the characters.
Here’s the scoop on quotes from Modern Family!
1. “Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now they’re driving, and soon we’ll all be dead.” —Claire
2. “Everybody’s desperately afraid, to be different, you know, in any way. And then […], almost overnight, everybody wants to be different. And that is where we win.” – Mitchell
3. “The minute they got rid of rotary phones, everything went to hell.” —Jay
4. “What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?” – Gloria
5. “In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when their sons get married, but I’m not like that.” —Gloria
6. “When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, ‘What?!’” —Phil
7. “I don’t wanna meet anything on Monday that I’m gonna eat on Friday.” —Mitchell
8. “In Legally Blonde, Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.” – Haley
9. “Revenge is a dish best served cold. And even better two days later out of a 24-ounce, microwave-friendly, burp-sealed pack, and store.” — Cameron
10. “I’m gonna share that one with my next husband when we’re spending your money.” — Gloria
11. “I might be coach, but I like to travel first class!”—Cameron
12. “Sometimes things work out just the way you want. Sometimes they don’t. But you have to hang in there because 90% of being a dad is just showing up.” – Jay
13. “That’s the whole point of a surprise party: you take somebody you really love and you play ’em like a fool.”—Jay
14. “In my country, it is considered very very bad luck when your house burns down.” – Gloria
15. “Success is one percent inspiration, 98 percent perspiration, and two percent attention to detail.”—Phil
16. “Prepare to feel like an old denim vest because I’m about to be dazzling you.” – Cam
17. “People can surprise you. You can get used to thinking of them one way […] And then they do something that there’s all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed.” – Mitchell
18. “I’ll reinvent myself. I’m gonna dye my hair blue and carry around an emotional support pig.” – Lily
19. “Everything I touch turns to detention.” – Haley
20. “No one wants to think at graduation! It’s graduation, the time when we celebrate being done with thinking.”— Haley
21. “I’ve tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having milk sent over in the cafeteria. Nothing has worked.” – Manny
22. “I shouldn’t be penalized for being too smart, I’m not running for president.” – Alex
23. “I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong like I had said, ‘Dad, I’m gray.’” –Mitchell
24. “My mother thought that riding a bike was dangerous. She would say, ‘That’s how people grab you!’” —Gloria
25. “When you’re married to me you’re going to be yelled at many times.” — Gloria
26. “I let down my mom and dad today. And even worse, I let down my teacher.”—Alex
27. “Books? Wake up and smell the Internet, grandma.”—Luke
28. “I’m sort of like Costco. I’m big, I’m not fancy, and I dare you to not like me.” — Cameron
29. “I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers; it turns out I’m one of them. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up a stripper.” — Phil
30. “Here’s the deal. Girls don’t go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success, and since you don’t have either one of those things… you’re gonna be the funny guy.” —Jay
31. “The quinceañera is very important in the Latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess—I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn’t a dry eye in the cartel.”—Gloria
32. “You guys know you can call me anytime, right?” – Haley
33. “I’m the cool dad. That’s my thing. I’m hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laugh out loud. OMG: Oh, my God. WTF: Why the face? You know, I know all the dances to High School Musical.” —Phil
34. “Usually when everything’s normal, people don’t respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.” –Mitchell
35. “Haley, this is real life, not an excellent movie.” – Phil
36. “I would love to be wrong, but I don’t live with the right people for that.” —Claire
37. “You’ll never go broke playing to a rich man’s ego. Write that down.” —Manny
38. “Belle’s a princess. She faced The Beast. She stood up to the townspeople. What have you done?” —Lily
39. “I’ve been thinking of moving out for some time now. There’s a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don’t want to still be here when they get sick of candy.” –Luke
40. “More than anything, I want my girls to stop fighting and be close. I want them to share clothes and do each other’s hair and gossip about boys, like I used to do with Mitchell.” –Claire
41. “I’m so stressed. I wish it was the ’50s when it was healthy to drink and smoke when you’re pregnant.” – Haley
42. “There’s nothing gays hate more than being treated like women, okay? We don’t want to go to your baby shower, we don’t have a time of the month, and we don’t love pink.” – Cameron
43. “I’ve admired you for a long time and if I haven’t let you know that, that’s on me. And I’m cissy-gendered enough to admit it.” – Jay
44. “Ya’ know, my parent’s never talked to me about anything sexual. They just sent me to the stables when the horses were breeding and wow did that create some unreasonable expectations.” – Cameron
45. “Why not just live your limited days with leaving nothing unsaid? Tell the people who matter the most how you feel.” – Cameron
46. “You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists, well, without the dreamers, they might never get off the ground.” – Cameron
47. “It’s obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It’s like accountants who buy a Harley.” – Alex
48. “Life is full of changes […] you can fight it or try to make the best of it. And that’s all a lot easier if you’ve got the people who love you to help.” – Jay
49. “There’s a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell’s relationship with his mother and say, ‘That’s messed up.’” — Cameron
50. “Yep, gonna lose a toenail. There goes sandal season!” – Phil
51. “You’re obviously going to get into one of those snooty schools, and sometimes you’re gonna come in second. Or fourth. Or maybe even tenth. But you’re gonna dust yourself off, maybe put on some lipstick for once, and keep going.” –Haley
52. “Don’t be silly, Janet. If I were interested in more youthful things, would I be here with you?” – Luke
53. “I am brave. Roller coasters? Love ’em. Scary movies? I’ve seen Ghostbusters like seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I’m pretty much not afraid of anything… except for clowns.” —Phil
54. “If you’re always telling yourself how lucky you are, it’s probably because you’re afraid to ask yourself how happy you are.” – Dylan
55. “Oh my God! Can you adopt a second child to take some of this off me?” – Lily
56. “You want to hear the guest list for the night? So far it’s anger, betrayal, terror, and sadness. Congratulations Mitchell, you packed the house!” — Cameron
57. “Hey, I came to see a movie I’d already seen and know where all the jump scares are. Can you tell me where the big ones are in this one?” – Phil
58. “You’re impossible to buy for! You never want anything.” – Claire
59. “It can be challenging finding playmates for an exceptional child. I don’t mean to brag, but that’s why I didn’t have any friends.” —Mitchell
60. “Every time anyone accomplishes anything, [they] achieve it with the help of a thousand silent heroes.” – Alex
61. “We make a good team.” – Claire
62. “You’re really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?” –Alex
63. “Ugh! I need Instagram to know there’s still beauty in the world!” — Haley
64. “There’s a caste system at school. Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It’s offensive and disrespectful, they treat us like we’re lunch ladies.” —Cameron
65. “Dad, we can always find cool stuff to do. Even if you’re old and in a wheelchair, I’ll take you to the mall and push you as fast as you wanna go. And I’ll take you to the top of a huge hill and just let go.” —Luke
66. “Maybe spend a little less time with your nose in that psych book and a little more time being sexy.” – Phil
67. “We do strange things for the people we love. There may be bumps along the way, but we never stop wanting the best for them.” – Claire
68. “I like the me I am when I’m with you.” — Haley
69. “What kind of man writes poetry on a computer?” —Manny
70. “Those fears you never get past. So sometimes all you have to do is take a deep breath, hold them close, and hope for the best.” – Phil
71. “You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.” —Claire
72. “It’s gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started out with a whipped cream smile on my waffle.” –Phil
73. “The only time I break a sweat is when we run after the ice cream truck.” —Phil
74. “We all struggle with limitations. Some were willing to accept, and some were not. It’s never too late to grow in life.” – Jay
75. “That’s the fourth Hawaiian shirt he’s lost. I’m telling you this is a Dateline story waiting to happen!” –Jay
76. “Sometimes I don’t understand people. They do the craziest things for the dumbest reasons. They convince themselves that it’ll all work out, despite all evidence to the contrary… which I guess isn’t so bad.” – Jay
77. “Please don’t ‘Yoda’ me.” – Mitchell
78. “Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.” –Cam
79. “No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don’t get hurt.” – Jay
80. “Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug… creates a tripping hazard… and open yourself up to lawsuits. Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking. – Phil
81. “It’s scary to let people see the real you, even when these people are your own family. But aren’t they the ones we should be least worried about? The ones who will love us without judging, who forgive our faults and celebrate our imperfections, maybe even encourage us to let our true selves shine through.” – Gloria
82. “I always wanted a daughter… to dress her up in pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everyone that he was my daughter. But just for a few times, I didn’t want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.” –Gloria
83. “I can’t go to jail. I’m a gay prosecutor, there’s no prison gangs for that!” – Mitchell
84. “All you had to do was look good and have a lot of attitude. Paris was just like one big gay bar.” – Mitchell
85. “It’s gonna be tough to say goodbye… it always is. Nobody loves change. But part of life is learning to let things go.” – Phil
86. “Kids bored?” – Phil
87. “But don’t insult my selling. that crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don’t see it? That’s ’cause I just sold it.” – Phil
88. “Family is family. Whether it’s the one you start out with… the one you end up with… or the family you gain along the way.” – Gloria
89. “With great hotness comes great responsibility.” – Haley
90. “You know, it’s a somber occasion, and all my tops are too joyful.” – Cameron
91. “I love filmmaking and I love love. I guess you could say I enjoy making love on film and I love doing it by myself.” –Phil
92. “Take a lesson from parakeets. If you ever feel lonely, just eat in front of a mirror.” – Phil
93. “I’ve been lonely. Having a mirror in my room will be like having company.” — Haley
94. “I’ve always seen life like a series of doors. Sometimes you get to choose the door you go through, sometimes you don’t get that choice. But you still gotta walk through. So you can either go kicking and screaming or walk through with your head held high.” – Jay
95. ”We all weave a web of lies. Some we tell to try to help the ones we love. And some we tell to try to fool ourselves.”- Luke
96. “For me though, the hero of my family is my family, because of who we are together.” – Manny
97. “I’ll admit it – I’m turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condolezza Rice, Serena Williams…Wait a minute.” — Mitchell
98. “Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.” –Gloria
99. “Maybe we should kiss?” – Phil
100. “You’re missing out on life, Mitchell. Take off your shackles and show people who you really are.” – Cameron
If you love sitcoms and family drama, you will love this show!
Watch Modern Family on Peacock!
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