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100 Best Quotes from Modern Family

The Primetime Emmy Award-winning series, Modern Family follows loving parents, Phil and Claire. They wish to improve their relationships with their three kids; however, obstacles seem to hinder their efforts. Modern Family may be a comedy sitcom that mocks a documentary, but the show highlights realistic challenges when it comes to parenting and family life.

Moreover, some of the most memorable aspects of the show include the hilarious punchlines and the diversity of the characters.

Sofía Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Sarah Hyland, Ed O'Neill, Eric Stonestreet, Ariel Winter, Nolan Gould, Rico Rodriguez, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, and Jeremy Maguire in Modern Family (2009)

Here’s the scoop on quotes from Modern Family!

1. “Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now they’re driving, and soon we’ll all be dead.” —Claire

2. “Everybody’s desperately afraid, to be different, you know, in any way. And then […], almost overnight, everybody wants to be different. And that is where we win.” – Mitchell

3. “The minute they got rid of rotary phones, everything went to hell.” —Jay

Ed as Jay

4. “What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?” – Gloria

5. “In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when their sons get married, but I’m not like that.” —Gloria

6. “When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, ‘What?!’” —Phil

7. “I don’t wanna meet anything on Monday that I’m gonna eat on Friday.” —Mitchell

Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Eric McCandless/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

8. “In Legally Blonde, Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.” – Haley

9. “Revenge is a dish best served cold. And even better two days later out of a 24-ounce, microwave-friendly, burp-sealed pack, and store.” — Cameron

10. “I’m gonna share that one with my next husband when we’re spending your money.” — Gloria

11. “I might be coach, but I like to travel first class!”—Cameron

Eric and Mitchell
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

12. “Sometimes things work out just the way you want. Sometimes they don’t. But you have to hang in there because 90% of being a dad is just showing up.” – Jay

13. “That’s the whole point of a surprise party: you take somebody you really love and you play ’em like a fool.”—Jay

14. “In my country, it is considered very very bad luck when your house burns down.” – Gloria

15. “Success is one percent inspiration, 98 percent perspiration, and two percent attention to detail.”—Phil

Ty Burrell and Eric Stonestreet in Modern Family (2009)

16. “Prepare to feel like an old denim vest because I’m about to be dazzling you.” – Cam

17. “People can surprise you. You can get used to thinking of them one way […] And then they do something that there’s all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed.” – Mitchell

18. “I’ll reinvent myself. I’m gonna dye my hair blue and carry around an emotional support pig.” – Lily

19. “Everything I touch turns to detention.” – Haley

20. “No one wants to think at graduation! It’s graduation, the time when we celebrate being done with thinking.”— Haley

Sarah Hyland in Modern Family (2009)

21. “I’ve tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having milk sent over in the cafeteria. Nothing has worked.” – Manny

22. “I shouldn’t be penalized for being too smart, I’m not running for president.” – Alex

23. “I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong like I had said, ‘Dad, I’m gray.’” –Mitchell

24. “My mother thought that riding a bike was dangerous. She would say, ‘That’s how people grab you!’” —Gloria

Sofía Vergara and Ed O'Neill

25. “When you’re married to me you’re going to be yelled at many times.” — Gloria

26. “I let down my mom and dad today. And even worse, I let down my teacher.”—Alex

27. “Books? Wake up and smell the Internet, grandma.”—Luke

28. “I’m sort of like Costco. I’m big, I’m not fancy, and I dare you to not like me.” — Cameron

29. “I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers; it turns out I’m one of them. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up a stripper.” — Phil

Sofía Vergara, Julie Bowen, and Ty Burrell in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

30. “Here’s the deal. Girls don’t go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success, and since you don’t have either one of those things… you’re gonna be the funny guy.” —Jay

31. “The quinceañera is very important in the Latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess—I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn’t a dry eye in the cartel.”—Gloria

32. “You guys know you can call me anytime, right?” – Haley

33. “I’m the cool dad. That’s my thing. I’m hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laugh out loud. OMG: Oh, my God. WTF: Why the face? You know, I know all the dances to High School Musical.” —Phil

Sofía Vergara, Ty Burrell, Rico Rodriguez, and Jessica Garza
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

34. “Usually when everything’s normal, people don’t respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.” –Mitchell

35. “Haley, this is real life, not an excellent movie.” – Phil

36. “I would love to be wrong, but I don’t live with the right people for that.” —Claire

37. “You’ll never go broke playing to a rich man’s ego. Write that down.” —Manny

38. “Belle’s a princess. She faced The Beast. She stood up to the townspeople. What have you done?” —Lily

Aubrey Anderson-Emmons in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Eric McCandless/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

39. “I’ve been thinking of moving out for some time now. There’s a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don’t want to still be here when they get sick of candy.” –Luke

40. “More than anything, I want my girls to stop fighting and be close. I want them to share clothes and do each other’s hair and gossip about boys, like I used to do with Mitchell.” –Claire

41. “I’m so stressed. I wish it was the ’50s when it was healthy to drink and smoke when you’re pregnant.” – Haley

42. “There’s nothing gays hate more than being treated like women, okay? We don’t want to go to your baby shower, we don’t have a time of the month, and we don’t love pink.” – Cameron

Eric Stonestreet and Dana Powell
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

43. “I’ve admired you for a long time and if I haven’t let you know that, that’s on me. And I’m cissy-gendered enough to admit it.” – Jay

44. “Ya’ know, my parent’s never talked to me about anything sexual. They just sent me to the stables when the horses were breeding and wow did that create some unreasonable expectations.” – Cameron

45. “Why not just live your limited days with leaving nothing unsaid? Tell the people who matter the most how you feel.” – Cameron

46. “You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists, well, without the dreamers, they might never get off the ground.” – Cameron

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, and Dana Powell
Photo by Eric McCandless/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

47. “It’s obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It’s like accountants who buy a Harley.” – Alex

48. “Life is full of changes […] you can fight it or try to make the best of it. And that’s all a lot easier if you’ve got the people who love you to help.” – Jay

49. “There’s a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell’s relationship with his mother and say, ‘That’s messed up.’” — Cameron

50. “Yep, gonna lose a toenail. There goes sandal season!” – Phil

Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, and Nolan Gould in Modern Family (2009)

51. “You’re obviously going to get into one of those snooty schools, and sometimes you’re gonna come in second. Or fourth. Or maybe even tenth. But you’re gonna dust yourself off, maybe put on some lipstick for once, and keep going.” –Haley

52. “Don’t be silly, Janet. If I were interested in more youthful things, would I be here with you?” – Luke

53. “I am brave. Roller coasters? Love ’em. Scary movies? I’ve seen Ghostbusters like seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I’m pretty much not afraid of anything… except for clowns.” —Phil

Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

54. “If you’re always telling yourself how lucky you are, it’s probably because you’re afraid to ask yourself how happy you are.” – Dylan

55. “Oh my God! Can you adopt a second child to take some of this off me?” – Lily

56. “You want to hear the guest list for the night? So far it’s anger, betrayal, terror, and sadness. Congratulations Mitchell, you packed the house!” — Cameron

57. “Hey, I came to see a movie I’d already seen and know where all the jump scares are. Can you tell me where the big ones are in this one?” – Phil

Sofía Vergara and Ty Burrell in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

58. “You’re impossible to buy for! You never want anything.” – Claire

59. “It can be challenging finding playmates for an exceptional child. I don’t mean to brag, but that’s why I didn’t have any friends.” —Mitchell

60. “Every time anyone accomplishes anything, [they] achieve it with the help of a thousand silent heroes.” – Alex

61. “We make a good team.” – Claire

Julie Bowen and Ariel Winter
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

62. “You’re really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?” –Alex

63. “Ugh! I need Instagram to know there’s still beauty in the world!” — Haley

64. “There’s a caste system at school. Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It’s offensive and disrespectful, they treat us like we’re lunch ladies.” —Cameron

65. “Dad, we can always find cool stuff to do. Even if you’re old and in a wheelchair, I’ll take you to the mall and push you as fast as you wanna go. And I’ll take you to the top of a huge hill and just let go.” —Luke

Julie Bowen and Nolan Gould in Modern Family (2009)

66. “Maybe spend a little less time with your nose in that psych book and a little more time being sexy.” – Phil

67. “We do strange things for the people we love. There may be bumps along the way, but we never stop wanting the best for them.” – Claire

68. “I like the me I am when I’m with you.” — Haley

69. “What kind of man writes poetry on a computer?” —Manny

Rico Rodriguez
Photo by Eric McCandless/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

70. “Those fears you never get past. So sometimes all you have to do is take a deep breath, hold them close, and hope for the best.” – Phil

71. “You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.” —Claire

72. “It’s gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started out with a whipped cream smile on my waffle.” –Phil

Sofía Vergara, Ty Burrell, and Rico Rodriguez in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

73. “The only time I break a sweat is when we run after the ice cream truck.” —Phil

74. “We all struggle with limitations. Some were willing to accept, and some were not. It’s never too late to grow in life.” – Jay

75. “That’s the fourth Hawaiian shirt he’s lost. I’m telling you this is a Dateline story waiting to happen!” –Jay

76. “Sometimes I don’t understand people. They do the craziest things for the dumbest reasons. They convince themselves that it’ll all work out, despite all evidence to the contrary… which I guess isn’t so bad.” – Jay

Sofía Vergara, Ed O'Neill, Rico Rodriguez, and Jeremy Maguire
Photo by Richard Cartwright/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

77. “Please don’t ‘Yoda’ me.” – Mitchell

78. “Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.” –Cam

79. “No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don’t get hurt.” – Jay

80. “Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug… creates a tripping hazard… and open yourself up to lawsuits. Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking. – Phil

Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, and Ed O'Neill in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Richard Cartwright/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

81. “It’s scary to let people see the real you, even when these people are your own family. But aren’t they the ones we should be least worried about? The ones who will love us without judging, who forgive our faults and celebrate our imperfections, maybe even encourage us to let our true selves shine through.” – Gloria

82. “I always wanted a daughter… to dress her up in pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everyone that he was my daughter. But just for a few times, I didn’t want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.” –Gloria

83. “I can’t go to jail. I’m a gay prosecutor, there’s no prison gangs for that!” – Mitchell

Kevin Daniels and Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

84. “All you had to do was look good and have a lot of attitude. Paris was just like one big gay bar.” – Mitchell

85. “It’s gonna be tough to say goodbye… it always is. Nobody loves change. But part of life is learning to let things go.” – Phil 

86. “Kids bored?” – Phil

87. “But don’t insult my selling. that crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don’t see it? That’s ’cause I just sold it.” – Phil

Sofía Vergara, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and Rico Rodriguez in Modern Family (2009)
© ABC/John Fleenor

88. “Family is family. Whether it’s the one you start out with… the one you end up with… or the family you gain along the way.” – Gloria

89. “With great hotness comes great responsibility.” – Haley

90. “You know, it’s a somber occasion, and all my tops are too joyful.” – Cameron

91. “I love filmmaking and I love love. I guess you could say I enjoy making love on film and I love doing it by myself.” –Phil

Ty Burrell

92. “Take a lesson from parakeets. If you ever feel lonely, just eat in front of a mirror.” – Phil

93. “I’ve been lonely. Having a mirror in my room will be like having company.” — Haley

94. “I’ve always seen life like a series of doors. Sometimes you get to choose the door you go through, sometimes you don’t get that choice. But you still gotta walk through. So you can either go kicking and screaming or walk through with your head held high.” – Jay

95. ”We all weave a web of lies. Some we tell to try to help the ones we love. And some we tell to try to fool ourselves.”- Luke

James R. Bagdonas, Ty Burrell, and Nolan Gould in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Nicole Wilder/ABC – © 2016 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

96. “For me though, the hero of my family is my family, because of who we are together.” – Manny

97. “I’ll admit it – I’m turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condolezza Rice, Serena Williams…Wait a minute.” — Mitchell

98. “Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.” –Gloria

99. “Maybe we should kiss?” – Phil

Sofía Vergara, Ty Burrell, and Riki Lindhome in Modern Family (2009)
Photo by Ron Tom/ABC – © 2017 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

100. “You’re missing out on life, Mitchell. Take off your shackles and show people who you really are.” – Cameron

If you love sitcoms and family drama, you will love this show!

Watch Modern Family on Peacock!

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