100 Best Quotes from Netflix’s Day Shift

Netflix’s new film titled Day Shift follows Bud Jablonski played by Jamie Foxx, a father who is secretly a vampire hunter. Bud’s constant lies concerning his fake job as a pool cleaner place him into an ultimatum with his wife.

He has a week to come up with his daughter Paige’s school tuition or else his family will be gone. With the help of a friend named Big John portrayed by Snoop Dogg and a new ally named Seth, portrayed by Dave Franco, Bud faces his biggest vampire hunting job ever.

It’s a race against the clock to protect his family, get the tuition money, and stay alive before the week runs out. 

Here’s the scoop on the best quotes from Netflix’s Day Shift. 

1. “You’re gonna be hors d’oeuvre if you don’t give me that gun!” -Bud 

2. “I’m gonna fart in my yogurt tomorrow and you’re gonna eat my fart.” -Seth 

3. “That’s what I love about L.A. All the damn vampires.” -Big John 

4. “You cling to the old ways like a tick on a dog’s ass.” -Audrey 

5. “Does that mean they’re full of shit?” -Paige

6. “Well, then you don’t know me that well, bitch.” -Jocelyn 

7. “What’s your gripe with Breaking Dawn Part Two? It’s the exciting conclusion of the whole Twilight Saga.” -Seth

8. “Listen, pee-pee pants, this is man’s world, not for a little boy.” -Mike Nazarian 

9. “Buckshot mouthwash, baby.” -Mike Nazarian 

10. “Excuse me, do you guys have any Black History Month discounts?” -Bud Jablonski 

11. “Welcome to the f*cking union, brother.” -Big John 

12. “I mean I do look good in a T-neck but that’s not sustainable.” -Seth

13. “Okay, so all of the lies, all of the late-night calls, all of the locks… the reason I’m separated from the man I love is vampires?” -Joycelyn

14. “Any vamp gets close to me, I spit in their eye, and melt a hole in their f*cking head.” -Mike Nazarian 

15. “F*cking pool boy.” -Audrey 

16. “I’m saving your black ass.” -Big John 

17. “It’s not Eclipse. It’s not New Moon. It’s not Breaking Dawn Part One.” -Bud

18. “What happened to you? You piss your pants?” -Diran Nazarian 

19. “Welcome to the motherf*cking night shift.” -Bud

20. “It’s a hue of green I found to be complementary against my skin tone.” -Seth

21. “Everything’s for sale. You just have to be desperate enough.” -Troy 

22. “You know me, cutting necks and cashing checks.” – Big John

23. “The amount of shit you stirred up working the night shift, you expect me to let you back out there where the sun don’t shine?” -Mr. Seegar

24. “I’ve cut out pork and cartoons and minimal white women.” -Bud 

25. “Vampires just tried to kill me. You put a gun in my face and now I just pissed my favorite f*cking suit!” -Seth

26. “Who’s the cupcake?” – Mike Nazarian

27. “Troy spoke so highly of you. Your name was the last thing on his lips when he died.” -Audrey

28. “Don’t touch me! I’m not afraid of you.” -Paige

29. “Oh god, did I shit myself this time?” -Seth

30. “But, either way, that bitch got an ass-whooping coming.” -Big John

31. “Think you’re smarter than me? Then you can probably spell ‘traitor.'” -Seegar

32. “He would have died from smoking if he wasn’t dead already.” -Troy 

33. “A door with five locks doesn’t exactly send the right impression to potential buyers.” – Jocelyn 

34. “I just bought an ergonomic chair with my own money. I’m all in on the desk.” -Seth

35. “I’m gonna take back what’s ours, one property at a time.” -Audrey

36. “Listen, Guacamole suit, right there on the shelf, grab that for me.” -Bud 

37. “Have you seen Part Two? Bella has her baby now, it’s insane!” -Seth 

38. “Vampires don’t pee or poop.” -Heather

39. “Sometimes you’re a sweet pickle, sometimes you’re a sour pickle, and sometimes you’re a salty pickle.” -Bud

40. “Nothing but a flesh wound, dog” -Big John

41. “You’re a genetic mutation that would’ve died out if there hadn’t been a stinking hole for ya’ll to crawl into.” -Troy 

42. “I got you an organic, gluten-free, paleo bran muffin.” -Seth

43. “Maybe we can dig you up in 100 years and show you what we’ve done with the place.” -Audrey 

44. “I’ve made it my life’s work keeping cowboys like you out of the union, so I’ll be watching you.” -Mr. Seegar

45. “Got a little bit of that yellow stuff in my butthole. It was so much worse than what you even described.” -Seth 

46. “Pull these fangs and why don’t you go to the bathroom and dry off your dick.” -Bud

47. “Bro, send one!” -Diran Nazarian 

48. “Why do you know the names of all the specific Twilight films?” -Seth

49. “First I’m gonna turn her and then I’m gonna watch as she drinks your wife.” -Audrey 

50. “I’m going to be a vampire hunter too.” -Paige

51. “Carol’s keeping her f*cking desk!” -Seegar

52. “Time for the tooth fairy.” -Bud

53. “I even wrote my name on the lid today, so you literally had to peel back my name to get to the yogurt.” -Seth

54. “Hang your leg out the back so we can air dry.” -Bud 

55. “Showtime, bro.” -Diran Nazarian 

56. “I wish you could be there to see it but I’m afraid someone’s having you for dinner.” -Audrey 

57. “I already won my race. Besides, it looks like you can use my help.” -Paige

58. “You cut my head off. I thought we were friends.” -Seth

59. “I don’t want you to switch up on me, try to bite my kidneys out.” -Bud

60. “A war is coming and your little girl’s gonna be on the winning side.” -Audrey 

61. “All right, motherf*ckers, come on!” -Big John

62. “I’m a field man now! Mowing down vamps with my best friend Bud.” -Seth

63. “Because of you, my family got kidnapped, and my friend is dead… or undead.” -Bud

64. “I still have nightmares where I can see his little face making little squirrel noises, and I just still have nightmares about it.” -Seth

65. “You’ve been a bad boy, Troy.” -Audrey 

66. “When was the last time you been to the dentist, huh?” -Bud 

67. “What, am I just supposed to wear turtlenecks from now on?” -Seth

68. “Stay down, fool.” -Big John 

69. “No, I’m Pescatarian.” -Seth

70. “You’re gonna die in the name of kissing your boss’s ass?” -Bud 

71. “We already own the night, but my product will allow us to seize the day.” -Audrey 

72. “I’m just an observer!” -Seth 

73. “That ain’t no dead human! That’s my friend!” -Bud 

74. “An unproven weapon for my first real vampire fight. That’s wonderful, thank you.” -Seth

75. “You might feel a little swerving but that’s just my special driving.” -Bud

76. “Pretty horrified about the fact that I’m a vampire!” -Seth

77. “You don’t walk up on Tyson, either.” -Bud

78. “Pink eye. It’s when poo particles get in your eye.” -Seth

79. “I guess technically you cut my head off, but they turned me into this okay? I want to help take her down.” -Seth

80. “Wanna get a selfie for your Instagram?” -Bud 

81. “Hey, should I drink Carol?” -Seth

82. “See me fighting a bear, pour honey on me.” -Bud

83. “Pendejo, you made them a part of it!” -Audrey

84. “This motherf*cker threw me up the stairs?” -Bud 

85. “Oh shit! The gun’s broken!” -Seth

86. “If we went by the book, we’d both be dead by now.” -Bud Jablonski 

87. “That was totally involuntary! -Seth

88. “Don’t you puke in here!” -Bud 

89. “I swallowed it.” -Seth 

90. “Wood to the heart, silver to the neck.” -Bud

91. “Please let me just have this little victory.” -Seth

92. “So, you just gonna light your finger on fire, huh? -Bud

93. “What happens in the butthole?” -Seth

94. “I told you, stay your punk-ass in the car.” -Bud Jablonski 

95. “Could you hold my head for a little?” -Seth

96. “You think I want to work for a monster like her?” -Heather

97. “The old vampires are just like us routine.” -Bud

98. “So, we’re like a team, partners, whatever.” -Seth

99. “I’mma take this and put it towards my baby girl’s tuition, you know?” -Bud 

100. “I hunt vampires.” -Bud

If you enjoy action movies with an emphasis on gore and the supernatural, then Day Shift is the film for you! 

Hope you loved these quotes from Day Shift!

Watch Day Shift on Netflix now!

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