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100 Best Quotes from Netflix’s The Pentaverate

Netflix’s The Pentaverate is a wild ride! With creator Mike Meyer’s dark adult humor on full blast, the series features Meyer as eight different characters. The audience follows sweet Canadian journalist, Ken Scarborough, and his fellow colleague, Reilly Clayton, on a journey to find a hot new story to reignite Ken’s career. This search leads Ken to the Pentaverate, where he uncovers a mystery that must be solved.

This twisted, hilarious, and witty series is a great watch for fans of Meyer’s work in the Austin Powers films as well as anyone up for a laugh. Get ready…because this show will knock your socks off.

Here is the scoop on the best quotes from Netflix’s The Pentaverate!

1. “No, the time is due. Now is the due time, are you gonna kill me? I’m not scared or nothing, I’m just curious.” -Professor Clark

2. “Together, we are the Pentaverate” -The Pentaverate

Mike Myers the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington, Mike Myers as Mishu Ivanov, Mike Myers as Shep Gordon, Mike Myers as Bruce Baldwin in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2022

3. “Oakland police say Clark died attempting the ‘kiss the star’ challenge, the latest internet craze where people are challenged to kiss their own anus.” -Darleen Windelchuck

4. “Mrs. Snee, this job is all I have left in the whole world. Please, give me one more chance.” -Ken Scarborough

Ken and Reilly
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Lydia West as Reilly Clayton in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2022

5. “You’re a good person. You’re kind. The work you do matters. You’re my mentor. Hmm… kind of remind me of my dad…Except you don’t drink, and you didn’t leave my mom with some hosebag.” -Reilly Clayton

6. “Congratulations. You’ve just been kidnapped into the world’s oldest and most effective secret society. The Pentaverate. I’m Rob Lowe, thank you.” -Rob Lowe

Rob Lowe
The Pentaverate. Rob Lowe as self in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

7. “The Pentaverate is a benevolent, full sequestered secret society of five men, who, since 1347, have been experts in their fields. Men like Leonardo Da Vinci, Jonas Salk, and the Quaker Oats guy.” -Rob Lowe

8. “You may also be asking, ‘when do I start running the world?’ Well, let’s try walking the world first.” -Rob Lowe

Mike Meyers in the pentaverate
The Penteverate. Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington in episode 101 of The Penteverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

9. “Professor, this is a crisis. Jason Eccleston’s death was sudden and unexpected. You are the last, best hope at solving climate change.” -Lord Lordington

10. “We’ve been kidnapping white men for years. We want to give you an opportunity as well.” -Bruce Baldwin

Dr. Hobart Clark
The Pentaverate. Keegan-Michael Key as Dr. Hobart Clark in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

11. “See? I told you the Pentaverate is real. You’re a reporter. You’ve gotta do an expose on them.” -Anthony Lansdowne

Ken and Reilly in the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Anthony Landsdowne, Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Lydia West as Reilly Clayton in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

12. “We don’t use the f-word around here. We call failure an early attempt at success.” -Patty Davis

Patty
The Pentaverate. Debi Mazar as Patty Davis in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

13. “Professor Clark, should you accept initiator, you shall join the Pentaverate, as learned men have done for seven centuries.” -Lord Lordington

14. “Behold! before you is a choice. Take the key and you shall join us in protecting the world. Take the pill and you shall end your life.” -Lord Lordington

15. “Okay, I choose to accept the Pentaverate.” -Professor Clark

Hobart Clark
The Pentaverate. Keegan-Michael Key as Dr. Hobart Clark in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2022

16. “Canada is a little fuzzy, eh! Look how clear it is.” -Ken Scarborough

17. “Tell you what, why don’t you just try and sit there and be the stupid new guy for a while?” -Bruce Baldwin

Lordington the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

18. “What is this fucking place?” -Professor Clark

19. “My cola will not only enhance your performance but will increase your size. Rex Smith Male Enhancement Cola.” -Rex Smith

Rex Smith
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Rex Smith in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2022

20. “So, The old log is in nuts deep. Really?” -Reilly Clayton

Reilly, Ken, and Anthony
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Lydia West as Reilly Clayton Clayton, Mike Myers as Anthony Landsdowne in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

21. “I’m leaving now. Not because you said, ‘Be gone with you,’ which is just aggressive. I’m leaving because it smells like dude, and y’all need to wash your balls more often.” -Patty Davis

22. “We cannot assume. Assuming makes an ass out of you, Anso. Just you.” -Maester of Dubrovnik

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. Jennifer Saunders as The Maester of Dubrovnik in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

23. “Well, that’s a fine how-do-you-do. You kiss your mom with that mouth?” -Ken Scarborough

24. “Seriously, why all the swearing? Like, it’s a lot, right? Does anyone else notice how weird that is?” -Reilly Clayton

Reilly, Sammy, and Ken
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Lydia West as Reilly Clayton, Craig Conway as Sammy, Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

25. “How can Netflix be okay with this?” -Reilly Clayton

Sammy
The Pentaverate. Craig Conway as Sammy in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

26. “Are we seriously talking about party favors? The Pentaverate is a secret global organization dedicated to solving the world’s problems.” -Professor Clark

27. “Professor, don’t think of us as the Almighty. Think of us as the alternative.” -Lord Lordington

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

28. “Raise your hand and repeat after me. The pentaverate must never be exposed.” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

Jennifer saunders
The Pentaverate. Jennifer Saunders as The Maester of Dubrovnik in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

29. “One of them is the murderer.” -Maester of Dubrovnik

30. “I’ve cracked cold fusion!” -Professor Clark

Dr. Hobart Clark
The Pentaverate. Keegan-Michael Key as Dr. Hobart Clark in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

31. “You know what? I feel more alive than when I was alive.” -Professor Clark

Bruce
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Bruce Baldwin in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

32. “Maybe you don’t need to sleep…Maybe, um, you need to join me…and we take a walk on the moon… and we look at the stars.” -Professor Clark

Patty and Hobart the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Debi Mazar as Patty Davis, Keegan-Michael Key as Dr. Hobart Clark in episode 101 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

33. “Oh my god! He’s dead!” -Patty Davis

34. “This is awesome, man! I’ve always wanted to be kidnapped. It’s been one of my dreams. So bucket list, bitch.” -Skip Cho

Skip Cho
The Pentaverate. Ken Jeong as Skip Cho in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

35. “The Penta-what-the-fuck?” -Skip Cho

Skip
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Ken Jeong as Skip Cho in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

36. “All right, you dolphin lickers, this man is gonna teach you the Canadian art of Defendo. He already taught you one lesson. The Liechtenstein Guard are a band of brothers.” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

Ken
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Richard McCabe as Exalted Pikeman Higgins, Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

37. “No! Demetrius Protocols is the doomsday plan should Pentaverate fall into nefarious hands.” -Mishu Ivanov

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Mishu Ivanov in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

38. “A guy died, so you’ve got some human resources issues. But don’t worry, because this crazy, rich Asian is ready to rock and roll!” -Skip Cho

39. “I like the cut of your jib. You come with me. I’ve got a special job for you.” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

Ken and Pikeman
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Richard McCabe as Exalted Pikeman Higgins in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

40. “I can determine cause of death to be poison.” -Maester of Dubrovnik

41. “So…one of you is the murder..er..er..er.” -Maester of Dubrovnik

Pikeman and maester of dubrovnik
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Jennifer Saunders as The Maester of Dubrovnik, Richard McCabe as Exalted Pikeman Higgins in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

42. “My point is the Pentaverate is like this here ball bearing. Might seem small, but without it, nothing works.” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

43. “There’s only one spare key. The Parce Clavem, which is Latin for spare key. The Parce Clavem is in the Pentaverate spiritual birthplace in Dubrovnik. This spare key could be used to gain an extra vote and shift the balance of power in the Pentaverate. Thus, if any existing member tries to use it, instant death.” -Shep Gordon

Shep G
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Shep G. . . on in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

44. “I am confident the killer will be found. However, for extra protection, I am installing a highly elite security force.” -Maester of Dubrovnik

45. “I think you might be addicted to conspiracy.” -Reilly Clayton

Reilly and Anthony in the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Lydia West as Reilly Clayton, Mike Myers as Anthony Landsdowne in episode 102 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

46. “I gotta take it like a baby and head out. I’ll see you by the entrance.” -Ken Scarborough

47. “The Maester and his lackeys have been murdered.” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

Ken and Pikeman
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Richard McCabe as Exalted Pikeman Higgins in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

48. “It’s time for you to shine, kid!” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

49. “If that key gets into the wrong hands, we’re doomed!” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

Ken
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

50. “Oh my god, it’s even bigger and hairier up close!” -Ken Scarborough

51. “Hey, Anthony, do you ever think your obsession with conspiracies is a substitute for real human connection?” -Reilly Clayton

Anthony
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Anthony Landsdowne in episode 103 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

52. “Shit, it’s Sasquatch! We gotta lose him Ken…” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

53. “One important thing. Don’t touch the key.” -Exalted Pikeman Higgins

Pikeman and Ken
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Richard McCabe as Exalted Pikeman Higgins, Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 104 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

54. “Thanks, Shrek.” -Ken Scarborough

55. “My kid Braester dead? This is a disaster!” -Saester of Dubrovnik

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Jennifer Saunders as The Saester of Dubrovnik in episode 104 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

56. “Damn, you are good. I am keeper of Parce Clavem.” -Saester of Dubrovnik

57. “Drink from the Chalice of Malice. From the decanter springs forth mean banter. Sip from the cup, your anger will erupt. Being kind is no longer an excuse when your veins course with angry juice!” -Saester of Dubrovnik

Ken
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 104 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

58. “We know your true identity. Canadian journalist Ken Scarborough. Bring us the SD card.” -Lord Lordington

ken
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 104 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

59. “Behold the head of a traitor.” -Lord Lordington

60. “I was trying to help!” – Ken Scarborough

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 104 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

61. “I was knocked out. The guy with the mustache told me to get in the helicopter.” -Reilly Clayton

62. “All right, we’re heading back to Toronto. Holy jumpin’, do I have a story to tell.” -Ken Scarborough

Anthony and Mustache man
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Meyers as Anthony Landsdowne, Neil Mullarkey as Mustache Man in episode 104 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

63. “I’m not doing anything! It’s got a mind of its own!” -Ken Scarborough

64. “Are we gonna die?” -Reilly Clayton

Reilly and Ken
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Lydia West as Reilly Clayton, Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 104 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

65. “Fun time is over, Ken Scarborough. Because it is time for you to help us.” -Skip Cho

66. “I’m the bad guy.” -Bruce Baldwin

Bruce
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Bruce Baldwin in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

67. “Ken. What business do you think I’m in?” -Skip Cho

68. “You’re coming with us to the meadows, whether you like it or not.” -Bruce Baldwin

Ken and Bruce
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Mike Myers as Bruce Baldwin, Ken Jeong as Skip Cho in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

69. “Before you get mad at me, I sent you a memo about this. Bruce had me send the Da Vinci lock to the Meadows ahead of schedule.” -Patty Davis

70. “All this time, we were focused on the keys like schmucks, and then Bruce steals the lock. Kind of genius.” -Shep Gordon

Shep
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Shep Gordon in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

71. “The world’s most powerful computer and you can’t unlock the fucking wheels?” -Shep Gordon

72. “Alright, people, places, we must save the Pentaverate five!” -Patty Davis

Patty and Lordington
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Debi Mazar as Patty Davis, Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

73. “We’re either gonna make trillions by auctioning it off at the Meadows or maybe create our own version of the truth.” -Bruce Baldwin

74. “Let me tell you how I killed them. I put Donette in Jason’s bong.” -Bruce Baldwin

Ken in the pntaverate
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Mike Myers as Bruce Baldwin in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

75. “I like feet. No shame.” -Bruce Baldwin

76. “At least I didn’t cut off their dicks. Well, actually, I did, and then I sewed them back on. Nice touch.” -Bruce Baldwin

77. “I’ll never understand people like you. You have all the access to resources, to money, knowledge, power, to do something good for this world, and still, you choose evil?” -Reilly Clayton

Ken and reilly
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Lydia West as Reilly Clayton, Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

78. “You must join us on the train. We need you.” -Lord Lordington

79. “We do the impossible every day. Miracles take a little longer.” -Lord Lordington

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

80. “All I wanted to do was break a big story and get my show back. But at the end of the day. I’m just a local news guy. I should have retired.” -Ken Scarborough

81. “Maybe some people aren’t meant to change the world.” -Ken Scarborough

Ken
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

82. “Ken. I’m in the Fimbra Manus…I was sent to Toronto by the Pentaverate a year ago to take you to the headquarters.” -Reilly Clayton

83. “I will explain everything…in the final episode.” -Reilly Clayton

Relly
The Pentaverate. Lydia West as Reilly Clayton in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

84. “There’s a power struggle going on in the Pentaverate right now. Bruce and Skip are trying to destroy everything we stand for.” -Reilly Clayton

85. “This can’t just be about diversifying. We now have to save the whole world from Bruce.” -Reilly Clayton

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Lydia West as Reilly Clayton, Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

86. “Well, we tried to give Mr. Myers creative license, but again, he abused that privilege. Nobody needs to see his button on a bush.” -Netflix

87. “We’re gonna do this for Higgins.” -Ken Scarborough

88. “It is too bad that the people are too stupid to deserve the truth.” -Bruce Baldwin

bruce
The Pentaverate. Mike Myers as Bruce Baldwin in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

89. “With these three keys, I now control the Pentaverate. So tonight, I’m selling off Mentor.”
-Bruce Baldwin

90. “Your red robes have been defeated, Bruce.” -Ken Scarborough

the pentaverate
The Pentaverate. Episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

91. “You’re a slave to every conspiracy theory that says there’s an ‘other’ keeping you down.” -Bruce Baldwin

92. “You forced my hand when you forced me into this Pentaverate hellhole.” -Bruce Baldwin

lordington and patty
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington, Debi Mazar as Patty Davis in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

93. “Turn the key, my friend.” -Bruce Baldwin

94. “The Pentaverate must never be exposed. The people need to trust the experts, but the experts need to serve the people.” -Ken Scarborough

95. “Don’t destroy the Pentaverate!” -Patty Davis

Patty and lordington
The Pentaverate. Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington, Debi Mazar as Patty Davis in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

96. “As you know, the Demetrius Protocols exist in the event that the Pentaverate should fall into nefarious hands. The world has changed. The Pentaverate has not. We have become those nefarious hands.” -Lord Lordington

Patty
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Meyers as Lord Lordington, Debi Mazar as Patty Davis in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Zoe Midford/Netflix © 2022

97. “Reilly, thank you for delivering us the soul that will save Mentor…That Canadian, he has kindness in his heart, as is the way of his people.” -Lord Lordington

98. “My journey’s not over. It’s just the beginning. But I realize now that my kindness is my strength.” -Ken Scarborough

Ken and reilly
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Ken Scarborough, Lydia West as Reilly Clayton in episode 105 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

99. “Sir, it’s been an honor working with you.” -Patty Davis

100. “Hey there, Septaverate! kentor here.” -Ken Scarborough

Kentor, Patty
The Pentaverate. (L to R) Mike Myers as Kentor, Debi Mazar as Patty Davis in episode 106 of The Pentaverate. Cr. Courtesy Of Netflix © 2022

That’s just some of the quotes that capture the humor and story behind The Pentaverate. Be sure to check it out on Netflix!

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10 Best Quotes From Netflix’s The Pentaverate