155+ Best Funny SpongeBob Quotes

SpongeBob SquarePants is one of the most popular cartoons of all time. So here it is! Here is a list of the best SpongeBob quotes!

SpongeBob SquarePants is one of the most iconic cartoons in tv history and the best thing to binge on when you’re you need something funny to watch.

There are also lots of funny SpongeBob quotes!

It has the most memorable lines and to most people, is the most relatable show of all time.

From the very first episode and Nautical Nonsense to the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, and all other pieces of cinematic SpongeBob art, there is an abundant source of quotable moments. 

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When explaining the inspiration of one of the most loveable shows, Stephen Hillenburg the creator of SpongeBob said, “Working as a marine science educator, I had the chance to see how enamored kids are with undersea life, especially tide pool creatures.

By combining this knowledge with my love for animation, I came up with SpongeBob Squarepants.”

It follows the title character SpongeBob SquarePants who lives in a pineapple under the sea in Bikini Bottom, also known as Home of the Krabby Patty.

The show follows SpongeBob and his crew of fishy friends- Patrick Star, Mr. Krabs, Squidward Tentacles, Sandy Cheeks, and Sheldon J. Plankton.

Every time SpongeBob hangs out with his friends, audiences love their funny quotes. All of these crazy characters contribute to the best SpongeBob quotes that are relatable and have a mood. 

Here is a list of the best funny SpongeBob quotes: 

1. “Hey Patrick, I thought of something funnier than 24… 25!” – Spongebob

2. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed today.” – Squidward

3. “I’m hotter than a hickory smoked sausage!” – Sandy

4. “Goodbye everyone, I’ll remember you all in therapy.” – Plankton

5. “Wake me up when I care.” – Squidward

6. “A 5 letter word for happiness – MONEY.” – Mr. Krabs

7. “It’s just a cruel reminder that I’m single and likely to remain that way forever.” – Squidward

8. “If I was a mom…this would be kind of shocking. Just call me daddy!” –  Patrick

9. “If I don’t make any money today I’ll surely break out in a rash!” – Mr. Krabs

10. “I might as well sleep for 100 years or so.” – Squidward

11. “I’m ugly and I’m proud!” – Spongebob

12. “My name’s not RIIIIIIIIIIIICK!” – Patrick 

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13. “Future, future, future.” – Squidward 

14. “Holographic Meatloaf? My favorite!” – Plankton

15. “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” – Patrick

16. “Ah, a few blobs of ink doesn’t prove a thing. I’m as evil as ever, I’ll prove it right now by stealing the Krabby Patty secret formula.” – Plankton 

17. “You’re about as ugly as homemade soup!” – Sandy

18. “It all started when I was born.” – Squidward

19. “Stupidity isn’t a virus, but it sure is spreading like one.” – Sandy

20. “Congratulations, sir! You have just given me my one-millionth dollar!” – Mr. Krabs

21. “I don’t get it. No matter what I do, I always end up being squashed by someone bigger than me.” – Plankton

22. “If I were to die right now in a fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, hen it would just be alright.” – Spongebob

23. “Give to the Children’s fund? What have the children ever done for me?” – Mr. Krabs

24. “I’ll have you know that I stubbed by toe last week and only cried for 20 minutes.” – Spongebob

25. “Three cheers for the world’s greatest fry cook…SpongeBob!” – Mr. Krabs

26. “You’re nothing but pure evil…just like newspaper comics.” – Sandy

27. “No, I’m not on my way to the grand opening ceremony. I’m busy planning to rule the world!” – Plankton

28. “I was trying to tell you that I was choking on snow but the snow melted and turned into water and I drank all the water now I’m better.” – Patrick 

29. “Yeah, well I’d hate you even if I didn’t hate you.” – Patrick

30. “Home is where you’re surrounded by other critters that care about you.” – Sandy Cheeks

31. “Don’t you DARE take the name of Texas in vain.” – Sandy

32. “What’s so great about a nerdy pickle?” – Patrick

33. “You need six hundred to pass, you got six.” – Mrs. Puff

34. “Just when I thought they couldn’t get any stupider.” – Squidward

35. “Wait, Spongebob, we’re not cavemen. We have technology.” – Patrick

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36. “Did you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells…smelly.” – Mr. Krabs

37. “If you believe in yourself, with a tiny pinch of magic all your dreams can come true!” – Spongebob

38. “The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” – Patrick

39. “No, not because I cheated! Because I’m an evil genius. And you’re just a kid.” – Plankton 

40. “Well, it may be stupid, but it’s also dumb.” – Patrick

41. “Always follow your heart unless your heart is bad with directions.” – Spongebob

42. “If there’s one thing we Atlanteans enjoy, it’s a healthy dose of dark humor!” – Lord Royal Highness

43. “Next time I’ll bring more granola!” – Sandy

44. “Holographic Meatloaf? My favorite!” – Plankton

45. Sandy: “Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?” / Patrick: “Not until 4.”

46. “Listen, instead of killing yourselves, I’ve got something really important for you to do for me. Now, are you men ready for you super… special…. secret…. assignment?” – Mr. Krabs

47. “Well, it’s no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.” – SpongeBob

48. “I thought I was going to steal something. Can’t imagine why. So, I’m just enjoying this lovely day!” – Plankton.

49. “That’s it, mister! You just lost your brain privileges.” – Plankton.

50. “Can you give SpongeBob his brain back, I had to borrow it for the week.” – Patrick 

 51. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you ruined everything.” – Squidward

52. “I order the food, you cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die.” – Squidward

53. “I can’t see my forehead!” –  Patrick

54. “I know of a place where you never get harmed. A magical place with magical charm. Indoors, indoors, indoors!” – Spongebob

55. “I have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, I’m scary!” – Spongebob

56. “A five-letter word for happiness…money.” – Mr. Krabs

57. “We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else!” – Patrick 

58. “Once upon a time there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end!” – Patrick 

59. “Being grown up is boring. Besides, I don’t ‘get’ jazz.” – Patrick 

60. “Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it; two, you stole it; or three, you stole it!” – Mr. Krabs

61. “I’m so loyal, I don’t mind sleeping out in the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his warm, dry tent.” – Spongebob

62. “Ha, ha! It’s a giraffe!” –  Patrick 

63. “You don’t need a license to drive a sandwich.” – Spongebob

64. “See, no one says ‘cool’ anymore. That’s such an old person thing. Now we say ‘coral’, as in ‘That nose job is so coral.’” – Pearl Krabs.

65. “Well, if I was a robot, which I’m not, at least I’m well put together.” – Mr. Krabs

66. “SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish…for 12 hours!” – Squidward.

67. “I guess hibernation is the opposite of beauty sleep!” – Patrick 

68. “Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are…” – Patrick

69. “Always follow your heart – unless your heart is bad with directions.” –  Spongebob

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70. “I’ve waited years for this moment. I’m gonna go in there, march straight up to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line, and – I can’t do it!” – Patrick 

71. “Pull your pants up, Patrick. We’re going home.” – Spongebob

72. “What’s this ‘we’ stuff? You fed him the tainted patty. Looks like it’s the stony lonesome for you!” – Mr. Krabs.

73. “That Plankton is a clever beast. You’ve got to keep a sharp eye out for him, SpongeBob.” – Mr. Krabs.

74. Spongebob: “I used to have a dream.” / Mr. Krabs.: “Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually.” 

75. “Run Mr. Krabs! Run like you’re not in a coma!” – Spongebob

76. “So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.” – Narrator

77. “I’m a good noodle!” – SpongeBob

 78. “Oh, yes you do, no world means no money, so, either save the world, or you’re fired!” – Mr. Krabs

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79. “Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.” – Spongebob

80. “Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me.” – Patrick 

81. “We don’t need television…not as long as we have our imagination.” – Spongebob

82. “Gary, I’m absorbing his blows like I’m made of some sort of spongy material.” – Spongebob.

83. “Squidward… I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!” – Spongebob.

84. “The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza for you and me.” – Spongebob

85. “You never really know the true value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.” – SpongeBob

86. “Good people don’t rip other people’s arms off.” – Spongebob

87. “We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request.” – Mr. Krabs

88. “All I know is fine dining and breathing.” – SpongeBob

89. “Me, aggressive?! How dare you?! Maybe you’re right… I command you to help me be a nicer person!” – Plankton

90. “Hello. You’ve reached the house of unrecognized talent.” – Squidward

91. “Squidward that’s not the peace treaty, that’s a copy of the peace treaty.” – Spongebob

92. “Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.” – SpongeBob

93. “Gary, I’m absorbing his blows like I’m made of some sort of spongy material.” – Spongebob

94. “I knew a guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy’s cousin…” – SpongeBob

95. “Excuse me, sir, but you’re sitting on my body, which is also my face.” – Spongebob

96. “It took three days to make that potato salad, three days!!!” – SpongeBob

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97. “Oh well, I guess I’m not wearing any pants today!” – SpongeBob

98. “SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish…for 12 hours!” – Squidward

99. Caller: “Is this the Krusty Krab?” / Patrick: “No, this is Patrick.”

100. “The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time!” – SpongeBob

101. “Another day, another migraine” – Squidward

102. “It’s just a cruel reminder that I’m single and likely to remain that way forever.” – Squidward

103. “There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, with the Help Wanted sign on the front.” – Patrick 

104. But it’s my only night to be fancy!” – Squidward

105. “Look at all the hip young people eating sal-ads.” – SpongeBob

106. “SpongeBob, before we’re torn to shreds, I’d like to thank you for helping me look for Spot.” – Plankton.

107. “What? It’s just obvious that I’m a complete failure and a waste of a lower life form! Oh, woe is me!” = Plankton.

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108. “Hello, we’re with the pet hospital down the street, and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises.” – SpongeBob

109. Squidward: “You mean you’ve never heard the story of the… hash-slinging slasher?”

110. Spongebob: “The slash-bringing hasher?” / Squidward: “The hash-slinging slasher.” / Spongebob: “The sash wringing, the trash thinging, mash flinging… the flash springing, bringing the the crash thinging the…” / Squidward: “Yes. The hash-slinging slasher.”

111. “This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is… ADVANCED darkness.” – Spongebob

112. “Home is where you’re surrounded by other critters that care about you.” – Sandy

113. Police: “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. [locks SpongeBob and Patrick in jail cell and opens it again after a second] Okay, time’s up. Now get out!” / SpongeBob: “But…we stole a balloon!” / Police: “Yeah, on free balloon day!”

114. “Can I be excused for the rest of my life?” – Spongebob

 115. “You’re part of my crew now, and our job is to sail around and frighten people. It’ll be grueling, mind-numbing, and repetitive. Just like… daytime television.”  – Flying Dutchman

116. Too bad Spongebob is not here to enjoy Spongebob not being here.” – Squidward

 117. “I don’t get it. I made my house a mess, which was making it clean, which made Squidward clean my yard, but that really means he’s messing it up. But the opposite of clean is filth, which means filth is clean, that means Squidward is really making my yard a wreck, but I normally wreck my own yard which means, Squidward is being the opposite of Squidward which means he’s Spongebob!” – Spongebob

118. “F is for a fire that burns down the whole town, U is for Uranium…bombs! N is for no survivors!” – Plankton

119. “I don’t get it. If a free salad bar won’t bring in new customers… what will?” –  Krabs

120. “You can’t fool me. I listen to public radio!” – Squidward

121. “Well, I don’t know nothin’ about Alaska, but looky here. Back in Texas I wrangled bulls and I wrangled worms. As far as I’m concerned, doing both together just saves rope.” – Sandy 

 122. “Ravioli ravioli. Give me the formuoli.” – Spongebob

123. “Tell you what. You give me back the sock and I’ll give you… three wishes.” – Flying Dutchman

124. “Booooo! Prepare to be burdened with the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!” – Flying Dutchman

 125. Spongebob: “Now that we’re men, we have facial hair.” / Patrick: “Now that we’re men I changed my underwear.”

126. Mr. Krabs: “That hat makes you look like a girl.” / SpongeBob: “Am I a pretty girl?!”

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127. Squidward : “OK now, how many of you have played musical instruments before?” / Plankton : “Do instruments of torture count?” / Squidward : “No.” Patrick : “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” Squidward : “No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. Horseradish is not an instrument either.”

128. Spongebob: “Hi, Kevin. I’m your biggest fan.” / Kevin the Sea Cucumber: “You’re too kind. Security!”

129. Patrick: Who are you calling Pinhead? I wanna be Dirty Dan.  / Spongebob : “What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?” / Patrick : “I’m dirty.”

 130. How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors?” – Squidward 

131. “I was five years old and my father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar. Loved it like a brother. Me and that dollar went everywhere together.” – Mr. Krabs

132. “And tonight, after my big promotion, we’re gonna party till we’re purple.” – SpongeBob

133. “Boy, that critter put up some sort of fight, but as you can see, I’m from Texas, and no worm is a match for me. I even found my tail!” – Sandy 

134. Spongebob: “Patrick, I don’t think ‘wumbo’ is a real word.” / Patrick: “Oh come on SpongeBob! You know, I wumbo, You wumbo, He she me wumbo, wumbo, Wumboing, We’ll have thee wumbo, Wumborama, Wumbology, The study of wumbo? It’s first grade SpongeBob!”

 135. Spongebob: “Squidward, you can’t eat all those Krabby Patties at once! Squidward!”

Squidward: “Oh, what’s going to happen? Am I gonna blow up?”

Spongebob: “No, worse. They’ll go right to your thighs.”

Squidward: “My thighs?” /Spongebob: “And then you’ll blow up.” /

Paramedic: “Yeah, I remember my first Krabby Patty.”

Spongebob: “Would you like to hear one of my secrets?”

Patrick: “Do I?” /Spongebob: “Let’s see… uh, did you know that you’re my best friend?”

Patrick: “No… way! Tell me another secret.”

Spongebob: “Well, secretly, I’m a little bit naive.” /

Patrick: “Wow! I’ll never look at you the same way again.”

136. “Aye-aye, captain!” – Spongebob

137. “What doesn’t kill you, usually succeeds in the second attempt.”  – Mr. Krabs

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138. “Tartar sauce!” – Spongebob

139. “You wouldn’t know cool if I locked you in the freezer!” – Mr. Krabs

140. “Barnacles!” – Spongebob

141. “Everybody’s a critic.” – Squidward 

142. “I went to college!” – Plankton

143. “Moss always points to civilization.” – Spongebob

144. Spongebob: “We’re not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic. 

Patrick: “Umm, I got it. Let’s get naked!”

145. Spongebob: “Aw, cheer up, Squid! It could be worse!”

Patrick: Yeah. “You could be bald and have a big nose.”

146. SpongeBob: “I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I definitely don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I… need… it!?

147. Patrick: “Are they laughing at us?” / Spongebob: “No, Patrick. They’re laughing next to us.”

148. “Listen here, ya little barnacle. No one and I means no one can ever know about this. It’ll be the end of you, it’ll be the end of me. And worst of all, it’ll be the end of me!” – Mr. Krabs

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149. Squidward: “Do you have to stand so close? You’re making me claustrophobic!” Patrick: “What does claustrophobic mean?” / Spongebob: “I think it means he’s afraid of Santa Claus.” Patrick: “Ho, Ho,Ho!” Spongebob: “Stop it, Patrick! You’re scaring him!”

150. Spongebob: “Patrick, you’re a genius!” / Patrick: “Yeah, I get called that a lot.” / Spongebob: “What? A genius?” / Patrick: “No, Patrick.”

151.”Spongebob: “Wow, Patrick, I didn’t know you spoke bird.” / Patrick: “No, Spongebob, that’s Italian.” 

152. “One hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty?” – Squidward

153. “Oh, these aren’t homemade. They were made in a factory… a bomb factory. They’re bombs.” – SpongeBob

154. “That’s it mister! You just lost your brain privileges!” – Plankton

155. Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it; two, you stole it; or three, you stole it!” – Mr. Krabs

156. “We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else!” – Patrick

157. “So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.” – The New Narrator

Whether watching the show, the movies or scrolling through memes, Spongebob will always put you in a good mood. No matter how old you get, you will always have the best time binging it. Between the Squidward quotes, Patrick quotes, and all the rest, good luck picking your favorite funny Spongebob quotes.

There are so many funny SpongeBob quotes! Comment your favorites below!

Also don’t forget to shop your favorite SpongeBob products like these shirts, candles, figurines, and even a Handsome Squidward pillow!

There is a reason they are relatable and so easily quotable. So, next time you need to find a good Instagram caption or a new social media bio, look no further than the best funny SpongeBob quotes!

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