250 Best Quotes From The Office

The Office is an American mockumentary sitcom television series that portrays the daily work lives of office employees at the fictional Dunder Mifflin Paper Company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

The employee’s workday contains many hilarious confrontations, inappropriate conduct, and monotony, which is why The Office is considered one of the best TV shows of all time.

Here’s the scoop on the best quotes from The Office!

the office farewell season poster
The Office (2012)

1. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” -Michael Scott

2. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” -Dwight Schrute

Creed Bratton, Steve Carell, Jenna Fischer, Kate Flannery, Paul Lieberstein, Phyllis Smith, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, B.J. Novak, Mindy Kaling, Angela Kinsey, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner
Photo by NBC – © 2012 NBCUniversal, Inc.

3. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.” -Dwight Schrute

4. “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out…” -Kelly Kapoor

5. “I think that pretty much sums it up…I found it at Spencer Gifts.” -Michael Scott

6. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” -Michael Scott

Steve Carell, John Krasinski, Ellie Kemper
Image courtesy NBC Universal

7. “Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.” -Dwight Schrute

8. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” -Michael Scott

9. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” -Michael Scott

10. “I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.” -Kelly Kapoor

11. “If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.” -Stanley Hudson

12. “Everything I have I owe to this job… this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” -Jim Halpert

John Krasinski
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13. “I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.” -Michael Scott

Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Jenna Fischer, John Krasinski, Angela Kinsey, Brian Baumgartner
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14. “I am Beyonce always.” -Michael Scott

Steve Carell
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15. “Uh…nope. Nope. This isn’t the surprise. It’s surprising because you didn’t expect it, but you will…you’ll know it when you see it.” -Michael Scott

Kate Flannery, Mindy Kaling, Brian Baumgartner, Ellie Kemper
Photo by Chris Haston – © NBCUniversal, Inc.

16. “They say if you’re nervous around someone, picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat.” -Pam Beesley

17. “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days, before you’ve actually left them.” -Andy Bernard

18. “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?” -Oscar Martinez

19. “For my new year’s resolution, I gave up drinking… during the week.” -Meredith Palmer

20. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” -Michael Scott

Steve Carell
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21. “And I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” -Pam Beesley

Jenna Fischer, John Krasinski, and B.J. Novak
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22. “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” -Dwight Schrute

23. “Oh, it is on, like a prawn who yawns at dawn.” -Andy Bernard

24. “No, no… ’cause then the ice melts and it’s, like, ‘second drink’.” -Pam Beesley

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25. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.” -Michael Scott

Rainn Wilson
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26. “No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs … Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” -Michael Scott

27. “I normally don’t enjoy making people laugh.” -Angela Martin

28. “One day Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.” -Jim Halpert

29. “I am running away from my responsibilities and it feels good.” -Michael Scott

Steve Carell
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30. “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.” -Ryan Howard

B.J. Novak
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31. “If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.” -Angela Martin

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32. “I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate…no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it…Nike.” -Michael Scott

Steve Carell
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33. “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.” -Jim Halpert

34. “You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.” -Pam Beesley

35. “I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for… that is the life.” -Stanley Hudson

36. “Today, smoking is going to save lives.” -Dwight Schrute

37. “The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is D.M.I. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, Morons, and Idiots. Because that’s what you’d have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.” -Oscar Martinez

38. “I understand nothing.” -Michael Scott

Steve Carell
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39. “Should have burned this place down when I had the chance.” -Michael Scott

40. “Boy have you done lost your mind, ’cause I’ll help you find it!” -Stanley Hudson

41. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” -Kevin Malone

42. “In the Schrute family, the youngest child raises the others. I’ve been raising children since I was a baby.” -Dwight Schrute

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43. “I’ll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter… that makes stairs.” -Andy Bernard

44. “Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick.” -Kevin Malone

45. “How is it possible that in five years, I’ve had two engagements and only one chair?” -Pam Beesley

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46. “Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” -Angela Martin

Angela Kinsey
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47. “I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he’s stupid.” -Phyllis Lapin-Vance

48. “Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.” -Andy Bernard

49. “Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?” -Kevin Malone

50. “I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” -Michael Scott

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51. “If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.” -Dwight Schrute

52. “It’s true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.” -Stanley Hudson

53. “I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes.” -Dwight Schrute

54. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” -Pam Beesley

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55. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” -Michael Scott

56. “Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.” -Jim Halpert

57. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” -Michael Scott

58. “I mean, who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of game is that?” -Kelly Kapoor

Kate Flannery, Mindy Kaling, Brian Baumgartner, Ellie Kemper
Photo by Chris Haston – © NBCUniversal, Inc.

59. “My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.” -Jim Halpert

60. “’R’ is among the most menacing of sounds. That’s why they call it ‘murder’ and not ‘mukduk.’” -Dwight Schrute

61. “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?” -Pam Beesley

62. “I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.” -Creed Bratton

Creed Bratton, Kate Flannery, Phyllis Smith
Photo by NBC – © 2013 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

63. “I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.” -Pam Beesley

64. “I stopped caring a long time ago.” -Creed Bratton

65. “Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… pretendinitis.” -Jim Halpert

66. “I’m such a perfectionist that I’d kinda rather not do it at all than do a crappy version.” -Ryan Howard

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67. “Disposable cameras are fun although it does seem wasteful and you don’t ever get to see your pictures.” -Erin Hannon

68. “It’s like I used to tell my wife: I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong. And if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I’ll say it to my next one, too.” -Stanley Hudson

69. “Yeah, I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s old job. Which means at my ten year high school reunion, it will not say “Ryan Howard is a temp”. It will say “Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm”… That’ll show ’em.” -Ryan Howard

70. “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.” -Michael Scott

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71. “A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and um, we all took it really hard.” -Ryan Howard

72. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.” -Michael Scott

73. “It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don’t expect everybody to understand.” -Michael Scott

74. “I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” -Stanley Hudson

John Krasinski, Leslie David Baker
Photo by Chris Haston – © NBCUniversal, Inc.

75. “I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs.” -Phyllis Lapin-Vance

76. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” -Michael Scott

77. “Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.” -Jim Halpert

78. “You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once.” -Dwight Schrute

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79. “I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.” -Creed Bratton

80. “Dwight, you ignorant slut!” -Michael Scott

81. “I declare bankruptcy!” -Michael Scott

82. “The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive like I did when I was a homeless man.” -Creed Bratton

Creed Bratton, Kate Flannery, Phyllis Smith, Catherine Tate, Oscar Nuñez, Brian Baumgartner
Photo by NBC – © 2012 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

83. “Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.” -Dwight Schrute

84. “There’s too many people on this earth. We need a new plague.” -Dwight Schrute

85. “Dwight mercy-killed Angela’s cat.” -Pam Beesley

86. “I consider myself a good person, but I’m gonna try to make him cry.” -Oscar Martinez

Oscar Nuñez, Angela Kinsey
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87. “I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number.” -Kevin Malone

88. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” -Stanley Hudson

89. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” -Michael Scott

90. “That’s what she said.” -Michael Scott

Creed Bratton, Steve Carell, Phyllis Smith, John Krasinski, Ed Helms, Mindy Kaling, Angela Kinsey
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91. “Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly… I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.” -Dwight Schrute

92. “Oh you’re paying way too much for worms. Who’s your worm guy?” -Creed Bratton

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117. “So this is my life– until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.” -Jim Halpert

118. “I don’t want to be married in a tent like a hobo.” -Angela Martin

119. “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” -Michael Scott

120. “I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: ‘Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet.’ But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: ‘You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.’” -Kelly Kapoor

121. “Who is justice beaver?” -Dwight Schrute

122. “Abraham Lincoln once said that ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North,’ and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.” -Michael Scott

Steve Carell
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123. “Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don’t. And I don’t. But I am so excited to be a part of it.” -Erin Hannon

124. “I’m guessing Angela is the one in the neighborhood that gives the trick-or-treaters toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts.” -Pam Beesley

125. “Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan’s big project was the website, which wasn’t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.” -Oscar Martinez

126. “Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” -Phyllis Lapin-Vance

127. “If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?” -Creed Bratton

128. “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” -Dwight Schrute

129. “I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something: a lot of people in the room, you need more space, viola, right into the wall.” -Michael Scott

130. “We have a gym at home. It’s called the bedroom.” -Phyllis Lapin-Vance

Phyllis Smith, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner
Photo by NBC – © 2012 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

131. “As it turns out, you can’t just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um. I think I can do it.” -Michael Scott

132. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” -Michael Scott

133. “I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.” -Kevin Malone

134. “I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She’s hypoallergenic. She doesn’t struggle when you try to dress her. She’s a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.” -Angela Martin

135. “I mean, I’m not a slut, but who knows.” -Kelly Kapoor

136. “I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.” -Dwight Schrute

Creed Bratton, Jenna Fischer, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Brian Baumgartner
Photo by NBC – © 2012 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

137. “I have a warm blanket and several cozy pillows. I read a chapter of a book and then it’s lights out by 8:30.That’s how I sleep at night.” -Angela Martin

138. “Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.” -Michael Scott

139. “I used to be obese. Once you’ve conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion. I’m not saying I’m Superman, but let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I’m pretty sure everything would be fine. I’d almost welcome it.” -Deangelo Vickers

140. “I just wanted you to know that you can’t just say the word ‘bankruptcy’ and expect anything to happen.” -Oscar Martinez

Creed Bratton, Jenna Fischer, Kate Flannery, Paul Lieberstein, Phyllis Smith, Catherine Tate, Ed Helms, Oscar Nuñez, Angela Kinsey, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner, Ellie Kemper
Photo by NBC – © 2013 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

141. “Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.” -Creed Bratton

93. “They just don’t get a lot of work done when I’m not here. That’s not true. I know how to delegate. And they do more work when I’m not here. The same amount of work is done whether I am here or not.” -Michael Scott

94. “An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.” -Michael Scott

95. “I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to.” -Ryan Howard

96. “I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” -Michael Scott

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97. “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” -Kelly Kapoor

98. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” -Michael Scott

99. “Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one– how dare you?” -Kelly Kapoor

100. “I am not great with kids. But I want to get better because I’m getting married. So, I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids would come talk to me… like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.” -Pam Beesley

101. “I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the Sheriff’s station.” -Creed Bratton

102. “You guys I’m, like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, ‘Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?’ And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.” -Kelly Kapoor

103. “Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm.” -Michael Scott

104. “I think you’re under-thinking it.” -Jim Halpert

105. “I wish I could menstruate… Id be more in tune with the moon and the tides.” -Dwight Schrute

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106. “Joke’s on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist.” -Michael Scarn

107. “Having a baby is exhausting. Having two babies? Now that’s just mean.” -Jim Halpert

108. “Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.” -Stanley Hudson

Phyllis Smith, Leslie David Baker
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109. “The man is wearing sandals. I don’t need to see Oscar’s toes at work. Gross! I mean, he looks like he just got off the boat.” -Angela Martin

110. “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” -Pam Beesley

111. “St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas.” -Michael Scott

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112. “Man, Angela really had a hold on him.” -Pam Beesley

113. “I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… and a panther.” -Dwight Schrute

Rainn Wilson
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114. “Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy.” -Dwight Schrute

115. “I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman’s gotta take off his cape.” -Kevin Malone

116. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” -Michael Scott

142. “Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you’re not good at interacting with people. But guess what! From now on you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.” -Kelly Kapoor

143. “Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.” -Phyllis Lapin-Vance

144. “Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.” -Dwight Schrute

145. “Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them…or he quits because they are unfair.” -Andy Bernard

146. “Break me off a piece of that… fancy feast.” -Andy Bernard

147. “I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.” -Michael Scott

148. “I am so sick of February. It’s the shortest month but it sure doesn’t feel that way.” -Toby Flenderson

149. “I say dance, they say ‘How high?’” -Michael Scott

150. “It is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about.” -Jim Halpert

151. “The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.” -Kevin Malone

152. “Tell ya one thing, I’m not gonna be a good mom tonight.” -Meredith Palmer

153. “I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle.” -Dwight Schrute

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154. “My philosophy is basically this, and this is something I live by, and always have, and always will. Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you’re with or…or where you are going, or where you have been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.” -Michael Scott

155. “That is sort of an oaky afterbirth.” -Michael Scott

156. “From time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.” -Jim Halpert

157. “So, the guy shows me the deck he’s built. And I’m like, ‘I’ll call this a deck if it’ll make you happy… but this is just a porch without a roof.’” -Darryl Philbin

158. “How is it possible that in five years, I’ve had two engagements and only one chair?” -Pam Beesley

159. “When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.” -Dwight Schrute

160. “As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.” -Phyllis Lapin-Vance

161. “Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.” -Pam Beesley

162. “I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.” -Andy Bernard

163. “Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.” -Dwight Schrute

164. “I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he’s clean, but I’m glad I did it.” -Angela Martin

165. “Oh so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So. I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure.” -Jim Halpert

John Krasinski
Photo by NBC – © 2012 NBCUniversal, Inc.

166. “The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout ‘shotgun’ when you’re within sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.” -Michael Scott

167. “Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It’s so powerful, even a lot of men can’t resist a man singing show tunes.” -Andy Bernard

168. “Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me.” -Oscar Martinez

169. “I stole. … And I robbed. And I kidnapped… the… president’s son. And held him for ransom.” -Michael Scott

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170. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did…” -Michael Scott

171. “I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or…and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.” -Jim Halpert

172. “I am a black belt in gift wrapping.” -Jim Halpert

173. “There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.” -Robert California

174. “In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all. It’s fear. Merry Christmas.” -Dwight Schrute

175. “I’m not saying I had a meteoric rise, but I did.” -Ryan Howard

176. “The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.” -Kevin Malone

177. “Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?” -Robert California

178. “Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I’ve read some of it. Even for the Internet, it’s… pretty shocking.” -Ryan Howard

179. “You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.” -Michael Scott

180. “News flash: You are not special.” -Stanley Hudson

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181. “I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It’s rock n roll for people who don’t like rock n roll. It’s rap for people who don’t like rap. It’s pop for people who don’t like pop.” -Robert California

182. “You know, I thought this was an office, not the thunderdome.” -Clark Greene

183. “They always say that it’s a mistake to hire your friends. And they are right. So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get!?” -Michael Scott

184. “I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.” -Angela Martin

185. “You can’t have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient.” -Robert California

186. “In high school, I organized a walkout over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway got a twelve twenty. Always regretted it… I feel lachrymose.” -Andy Bernard

187. “The eyes are the groin of the face.” -Dwight Schrute

188. “Jim told me you could buy gaydar online.” -Dwight Schrute

189. “I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.” -Andy Bernard

190. “My last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full Taco Bell and, I don’t know, I couldn’t keep up.” -Erin Hannon

191. “Did I stutter?” -Stanley Hudson

192. “I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They’re always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I’m constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don’t get sore too? Do you think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital?” -Stanley Hudson

193. “You can’t let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. ‘Oh I like your dress, but I’d like it more if you had prettier hair.’” -Andy Bernard

194. “Most people don’t even know that a candy cane represents a shepherd’s crook. Which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. It tastes like sheep feces.” -Dwight Schrute

195. “You all took a life here today.  You did. The life of the party.” -Michael Scott

196. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” -Michael Scott

197. “Put your heart out there like that, it’s liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that!” -Andy Bernard

Ed Helms
Cr. NBC Universal

198. “I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. It’s how I came to briefly race a Formula One car. The three slowest laps ever recorded.” -Nellie Bertram

199. “Hey Goldenface! Go puck yourself!” -Michael Scarn

200. “Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So, the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?” -Jim Halpert

201. “Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.” -Kelly Kapoor

202. “I have decided that I’m going to be more honest. I’m gonna start telling people what I want, directly. So, look out world, ‘cuz ‘ol Pammy is gettin’ what she wants. And, don’t call me Pammy.” -Pam Beesley

203. “I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.” -Kevin Malone

204. “I kinda know what it’s like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.” -Kevin Malone

Brian Baumgartner
Cr. NBC Universal

205. “I want to be wine and dined and sixty-nined.” -Kevin Malone

206. “You need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing has run its course.” -Darryl Philbin

207. “Whether you’re scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don’t be. It’s going to be OK.” -Michael Scott

208. “It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long, he forgot my real name. Which is Pete.” -Pete Miller

209. “I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup, I have a Swiss passport.” -Creed Bratton

210. “Everyone I know who skis is dead.” -Deangelo Vickers

211. “Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And, Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through… Delusion” -Jim Halpert

212. “In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild healthcare is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me, and I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.” -Dwight Schrute

213. “Your body is a temple. You have to respect it. You can’t just whore it out.” -Angela Martin

214. “Talk to me that way again and I’ll cut your face.” -Erin Hannon

215. “Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, which was just to wait. For a really long time that’s all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that I was waiting for my wife.” -Jim Halpert

216. “This is a dream that I’ve had…since lunch…and I’m not giving it up now.” -Michael Scott

217. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” -Michael Scott

218. “You don’t want to get on my bad side, I have seen some horrible things, I own over 200 horror movies.” -Gabe Lewis

219. “I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ’em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down that was the most generous.” -Michael Scott

220. “Michael is leaving. And apparently, they’ve already hired a new manager. And we’re meeting him today. It’s a lot to process. Paperwork-wise.” -Oscar Martinez

221. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” -Michael Scott

222. “He answers to Michael. Michael G. Scott. Michael J. Fox. Mr. Fox. The Incredible Mr. Fox.” -Holly Fax

223. “Oh my God it’s happening! Everybody stay calm. Stay calm!” -Michael Scott

224. “I’ve got a golden-ticket idea. Why don’t you skip on up to the roof and jump off?” -Stanley Hudson

225. “There are always a million reasons not to do something.” -Jan Levinson

226. “My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies, and that for once, I should indulge them.” -Jan Levinson

227. “Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your hoe rips out your heart for no good reason. And you are nothing but great to your hoe, and you told her that she was the only hoe for you, and that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then, suddenly, she’s not your hoe no mo.” -Michael Scott

228. “You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex.” -Michael Scott

229. “You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you should just get used to it.” -Michael Scott

230. “I’m a breast cancer survivor, close, personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys.” -Jo Bennet

231. “People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck.” -Dwight Schrute

232. “You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?” -Michael Scott

233. “Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it… not that way. I hate… so much about the things that you choose to be.” -Michael Scott

234. “Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.” -Toby Flenderson

Paul Lieberstein, Catherine Tate, Leslie David Baker
Cr. NBC Universal

235. “Meredith, you lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow? What is going to happen when you come into work and you’re dead?” -Michael Scott

236. “Who’s the one who didn’t bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah I BMed in the shredder on New Years. But I didn’t bring the lice in. That was all Pam.” -Meredith Palmer

237. “You’re the people’s princess! Diana was nothing!” -Meredith Palmer

238. “Alright. Truth is, I got a couple love bumps on my ding dong, so I was like oh, game over.” -Todd Packer

239. “Nobody should have to go to work thinking, ‘Oh this is the place that I might die today.’ That’s what a hospital is for.” -Michael Scott

240. “Hey everybody, he’s not in the men’s room. Although the seat was warm, so we may have just missed him.” -Meredith Palmer

Jenna Fischer, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Angela Kinsey
Image courtesy NBC Universal

241. “My heart belongs to music. But my ass, belongs to these people.” -Andy Bernard

242. “Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Scheider.” -Creed Bratton

243. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” -Michael Scott

244. “Let’s put a smile on that face.” -Creed Bratton

245. “Last, and possibly least, you didn’t think we’d forget, ‘That’s what she said!’” -Michael Scott

246. “When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.” -Creed Bratton

247. “You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.” -Creed Bratton

248. “So you’ve come to the master for guidance? Is this what you’re saying, grasshopper?” -Michael Scott

249. “Get out. No, this is not a joke. It was offensive and lame, so double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.” -Michael Scott

250. “Rit-dit-dit-do-doo!” Andy Bernard

There is no doubt that The Office is one of the best drama sitcoms that you could ever watch, so if you’re interested in watching a show that will make you laugh watch The Office, streaming now on Peacock!

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