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40 Funniest Deadpool Quotes

Deadpool is one of the many superhero movies and is based on the Marvel comics character of the same name.

This movie taps into your inner middle school brain as it makes the most vulgar jokes and has the best quotes.

The Deadpool movie is a part of the X-Men film series and in the Marvel Comics and was first seen in X-Men Origins: Wolverine back in 2009.

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Good News! Both Deadpool movies make a lot of references to the Marvel Universe, the DC Universe, as well as the X-Men.

Needless to say, this movie takes no prisoners and everyone is a target for a punchline. Captain America, Hawkeye, you name the hero, he was probably a joke.

With long work hours comes many memorable and funny quotes…and a spanish word or two thrown in. 

It wasn’t until 2016 that Renyolds got to star as Deadpool in his own movie full of raunchy and funny lines. 

Ryan Reynolds plays Wade Wilson, an immortal mutant, in this superhero movie. Wilson was a dishonorably discharged special forces operative who turned into an obnoxious mercenary, then into this antihero character. 

Funniest Deadpool Quotes

1. You might be wondering why the red suit. Well, that’s so bad guys don’t see me bleed.”― Deadpool 

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The thing is, Deadpool can’t bleed. No one could see his blood anyway.

2. “You’re probably thinking, ‘My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie, but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kebab!’ Well, I may be super, but I’m no hero.” ― Deadpool 

The X-Men want to recruit him, but he doesn’t want to be the hero. He also isn’t the villain.

He is explaining that this isn’t a normal superhero movie, but that he is a murder and this movie is a love story. 

3. Deadpool: “And you are?”

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: “Negasonic Teenage Warhead.”

Deadpool: “Negasonic Teenage… what the shit? That’s the coolest name ever!”

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Deadpool is the most self-aware hero in the Marvel Universe.

He often comments on others’ costumes and names, but when it came to Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Deadpool was really impressed. 

4. Wade: “What is that?”

Weasel: “That’s the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes? I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.”

Weasel had to explain to Wade that the turd emoji was in fact a turd, not chocolate yogurt because that is what he believed for so long. 

5. Deadpool: “I’ve been traveling to exotic places, Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville, meeting new and exciting people.”

Weasel: “And killing them, I know, I saw your Instagram.”

Weasel is making fun of Deadpool for being loud and obnoxious on social media about what he has been up to and who he is killing. 

6. “A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break, that’s like sixteen walls!” ― Deadpool 

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Here he goes, talking to the camera and acknowledging the audience. Since he knows he is a character in a story, he is breaking the “fourth wall”, or the line between reality and the story.

7. Wade Wilson: “Listen, I’ve been thinking.”

Vanessa Carlysle: “Really?”

Wade Wilson: “About why we’re so good together.”

Vanessa Carlysle: “Why is that?”

Wade Wilson: “Well, your crazy matches my crazy, big time.”

Clearly, Wade and Vanessa are a match made in heaven…I mean who else could put up with them other than each other? 

8. “Well, I want to remember us. I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I’m going to boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window.” ― Vanessa Carlysle

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Vanessa clearly loves Wade as she makes is perfectly clear that she is not leaving his side during his battle with cancer. 

9. “Looks are everything! Ever heard David Beckham speak? It’s like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?” ― Deadpool

Deadpool is talking to Blind Al about how he looks and complaining that since his looks are gone, he lost Vanessa forever.

Since she is blind, she has no idea how ugly he is.

10. I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter, and he just wasn’t having it. They made three of those movies, at some point you have to wonder if he’s just a bad parent.” – Deadpool

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Wade was just diagnosed with cancer and his having a hard time sleeping at night.

He tells Vanessa that he had another dream that he kidnapped Liam Neeson’s daughter and Neeson came after him for revenge.

Their conversation leads to the conclusion that Neeson’s character Bryan Mills is a bad parent.

11. “Yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that’s exactly what this is. A love story. And to tell it right, I got to take you back too long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex.” – Deadpool

Deadpool is talking to the camera and setting up the movie.

He is explaining that his love story is very unusual and goes to the beginning to show how he got there and why he “squeezed his ass into red spandex”. 

12. “Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.” ― Weasel

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Weasel sees Wade for the first time since the mutation and his advice is to him star in his own horror movies because he is so ugly and scary looking. What a supportive friend, huh? 

13. Deadpool: “Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world smells like Daffodil Daydream. So you gotta hold on to love… tight! And never let go. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Got it?”

Dopinder: “Yeah.”

Deadpool: “Or the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.”

Deadpool tells his trusty taxi driver friend, Dopinder, to follow his heart and pursue love when he finds it. He encourages him to not let the women he loves go because he says the world sucks if you do. 

14. “I didn’t just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything.” ― Deadpool 

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Wade didn’t just get a cure for cancer, but a cure for anything and everything, including the loss of limbs. He became immortal and now can’t die…way more than he bargained for. 

15. “Guy came in here looking for you. Real Grim Reaper-type. I don’t know. Might further the plot.” – Weasel

Weasel is telling Wade about a man who is looking to recruit him for a special treatment, one that is promised to cure cancer.

Little did Weasel know, this meeting would really further the plot. 

16. “Listen, we both know that cancer is a shitshow. Like, a Yakov- Smirnoff-opening-for-the- Spin- Doctors-at-the-Iowa-State-Fair shitshow. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me, not the ghost of Christmas me.” ― Deadpool

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Wade wants Vanessa to remember the good parts of him, not the hardships that come with fighting cancer. Of course, he can’t be serious, so he copes with outrageous vulgar humor. 

17. You don’t need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you.”― Deadpool 

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Wade or should I say Deadpool, got his girl despite what he looked like.

His biggest feat was rejection by Vanessa, but instead she is the reason that he became who he is. It’s funny how things work out like that. 

18. “I didn’t ask to be super, and I’m no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl, the time has come to be a fucking superhero.”― Deadpool

God forbid anyone messes with Vanessa. They are asking for a death wish and that is exactly what Francis got. It brought the “hero” out of Deadpool real fast.

19. “Bad Deadpool… Good Deadpool!” ― Deadpool

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During a massive shootout, Deadpool criticizes himself and praises himself as he shoots and murders dozens of people, trying to get to Francis, the one who turned him into a mutant. 

20. “Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness.” ― Deadpool

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Wade is complaining about how much life sucks and there are only brief moments where things are good.

He claims that being with Vanessa was the ultimate commercial break, but then is snapped back into the “regularly scheduled programming” when he is diagnosed with cancer.

21. “If I ever decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at Neverland Mansion with some creepy, old, bald, Heaven’s Gate-looking motherfucker…on that day, I’ll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.” ― Deadpool

Deadpool expresses his frustration with trying to be recruited to join the X-Men. He can’t think of anything worse than being a part of it.

22. “I want to die a natural death at the age of 102—like the city of Detroit.” ― Deadpool 

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Deadpool is mocking the city of Detroit because of it’s less than great characteristics. He claims that Weasel shouldn’t bet against him because he won’t die.

The things is, Deadpool and Reynolds are both from Canada, which allows him to make America jokes. 

23. “It’s a big house.  It’s weird I only ever see two of you.  Almost like the studio didn’t have enough money for any more X-Men.” ― Deadpool

While at the Charles Xavier’s mansion, we only see Deadpool, Colossus, and Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

Because of this Deadpool makes the jokes that no other X-Men are seen, saying that the studio couldn’t afford to hire more. 

24. “Okay, let’s pro/con this superhero thing. Pro—they pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals, both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies. Con—they’re lame-ass teacher’s pets” ― Deadpool 

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Wade is weighing out the pros and cons of being a superhero. Clearly his priorities are in line…at least he knows what his priorities are. 

25. “So what’s it going to be, sullen silence or mean comment.” – Deadpool

Deadpool loves making fun of Negasonic Teenage Warhead for being a teenage girl. He picks at her sassy attitude and seeming inability to care. 

26. “You’re still here? It’s over. Go home! Oh, you’re expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2**. Well, we don’t have that kind of money. What are you expecting? What are you expecting? Sam Jackson showing up in an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go!” ― Deadpool 

Mimicking Ferris Bueller’s Day Off ending, Deadpool copies the after credits to a T.

He makes fun of the Marvel fans who wait for the credits for additional content or a sneak peak to a future film. 

27. “Doing the right thing is messy. You want to fight for what’s right, sometimes you have to fight dirty.” ― Deadpool 

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Here is an honorable mention from Deadpool 2. Assembling his own “anti-X-Men” team, Deadpool plays unfairly in order to get what he wants.

I don’t think this list would be complete without some acknowledgment to the sequel, giving Wade Watson more of a spotlight.

28. “Maximum effort!”― Deadpool 

Wade is trying to get the courage to finally face Vanessa after his mutant transformation and being MIA for a long time.

He gives himself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror, hyping himself up to shoot his shot.

29. “If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?” ― Deadpool 

In one of his many vulgar and sexual jokes, Wade is making his move on Vanessa, attempting to be funny and get a laugh. 

30. “After a brief adjustment period, and a bunch of alcohol, it’s a face… I’d be happy to sit on.” ― Vanessa Carlysle

Vanessa finally sees what Wade looks like under the mask, but instead of being repulsed, she is happy to give this new look a chance…in her own way of course.

31. “Vanessa’s already working on plan A, B, all the way through Z. Me? I’m memorizing the details of her face. Like it’s the first time I’m seeing it. Or the last.” ― Deadpool 

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Wade is just diagnosed with cancer, so while Vanessa is asking about options, he is memorizing her face because wants to soak everything up and enjoy looking at the woman he loves. 

32. ​​”You are so dark. Are you sure you are not from the DC universe?” ― Deadpool 

The Marvel Universe tends to have a happier and more uplifting vibe, whereas the DC Universe is darker and more depressive.

So, showing his awareness, Deadpool makes the joke referring to whole other alternate reality. 

33. “Listen Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment — right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.”  ― Deadpool

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Blind Al is making fun of her blindness, saying the cure for it is buried somewhere next to her cocaine.

She certainly is not ashamed or bitter about her lack of sight, because she sure does make up for it with attitude, fearlessness, and wit. 

34. “Okay guys, I only have twelve bullets, so you’re all going to have to share!” ― Deadpool 

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In the beginning, Deadpool is killing a mass of people, trying to get the man who turned him.

With only 12 bullets left, he makes each of them count and murders everyone with the little he had left.

35. “She’s like Robin to my Batman, except she’s old, and black, and blind. And I think she’s in love with me. Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman, too.” ― Deadpool

Deadpool stays with Blind Al because she is actually blind (like her name alludes to) and isn’t afraid of what he looks like.

She doesn’t care about his mutated face, but his sarcastic and obnoxious personality. They are both very sarcastic and get along well.

He has a lot of respect for her and she loves him a lot. 

36. “I get why you’re so pissy, but your mood’s never gonna brighten ’till you find this woman and tell her how you feel.” ―  Blind Al

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In her own degrading and vulgar way, Blind Al  is encouraging Wade to go after Vanessa and not be ashamed of what he looks like. She is not afraid to say it how it is and finally gets through to him. 

37. “My common sense is tingling.” ― Deadpool

Here is another fantastic Deadpool quote from the very much loved, sequel. This is a jab at Spider-Man, whose famous catchphrase is “My spidey sense is tingling.”

38. “Oh, oh, so they’re letting Robin Hood in, but somehow the Avengers keep losing my phone number. What’s up with that?” ― Deadpool 

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Here is just a fun little bit of shade thrown at Hawkeye, which Deadpool is known for. Any shot to take at an Avenger or X-Men, we know he will take it. 

39. “I’d sing some Black Sabbath right now, but the bean counter says we spent all our money on writers. What a waste.” ― Deadpool 

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Again, Deadpool is showing his awareness that he is nothing more than a character in a movie, with a director and crew. Comments like this make these movies so funny and unique. 

40. “Here’s what I’m actually gonna do? I’m gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis, force him to fix this, and then put a bullet in his skull and fuck the brain hole.” ― Deadpool 

Clearly, Wade is wanting to go back to normal and have his face back. He is stopping at nothing to find Francis and is more than willing to kill anyone to do that. 

There you have it 45 of the best Deadpool Quotes!

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