Relationships are hard work, they take a lot of time and effort to make a success of, and it’s important to understand that. Of course, there are some relationships that, no matter how hard you work at, just don’t seem to be successful. Often, there’s an underlying reason for this. Making it almost impossible to have a healthy and happy relationship.
The truth is that some relationships aren’t made to last. Of course, the problem is knowing when it’s time to call it quits on a relationship and move on to pastures greener. This is even more complicated if you’ve built a life together or have a family. Because the last thing you want to do is break up and go through all that heartache, only to realize a month later that it was a mistake. Which is why if you’re going to call it quits you need to be sure that it’s the right thing to do.
The question that you need to determine the answer to is, is it time to break up or is it just a rough patch? The problem with working this out is that it’s far from straightforward, as there are so many different factors to consider. The good news, however, is that this guide should help you to determine whether it’s time to call it quits or whether you can make things work.
Could you ever be happy together (again)?
Once upon a time you and your partner were happy, or else you wouldn’t have got together in the first place. The problem is that now you’ve been together for a while, you’re no longer the happy, fun and loved-up couple that you once were. To see whether you’ve got any sort of future together, what you need to consider is whether there is the potential for the two of you to be happy again.
For example, when you head off on your annual summer vacation to sunny Spain, do you find that once again you’re a happy couple? You have a laugh together, are romantic with one another, and enjoy being together. If the answer is yes, then there’s potential for a happy future. It’s just a case of making some changes to how you treat each other. However, if you even bicker on vacation, this is a sign that your relationship doesn’t have the potential to be a happy one.
What’s best for your family?
Having children is never a reason to stay together if you’re unhappy, but it is a reason to think more carefully about what to do. Breakups can be incredibly difficult for children and can lead to all sorts of emotional problems. However, living in a family home that’s filled with arguments, instead of love, can also be damaging to children. So with that in mind, you need to decide what would be best for you and your partner, as well as your children.
Many couples with children choose to try therapy before breaking up to see if there is any way to work through their problems. Because, as mentioned above, breakups can have significant consequences on children. As can growing up in an unhappy home. So it’s a case of seeing if therapy is able to help you to work through your problems. Or, whether breaking up is the best route to go down for yourself and your children.
Do you want to spend time together?
One of the most common signs that a relationship is over is that you and your partner have uncoupled - aka no longer want to spend any time together. If you used to be a couple that did everything together, and now can no longer stand to be in the same room as each other, there’s clearly a problem.
Whether the problem is one or both of you, it doesn’t matter. If your relationship has any potential of going the distance, you both need to make time for each other. If one of you is constantly out with friends, at the gym, or staying late at work, this is a sign that there’s a problem. If you don’t look forward to being together, this is a sign that your relationship may well be over.
A healthy relationship is one where you don’t spend your time living in each other’s pockets. However, you do look forward to spending quality time together. And that’s what’s important - being excited to spend time as a couple.
Does one of you pull away from the other?
Sometimes in a relationship, one person begins to pull away from the other. Whether that’s yourself or your partner, you need to ask yourself why that is - what’s the reason behind this behavior. Because often, there’s a root cause to these kinds of issues, and it’s better to work out what it is, sooner rather than later.
Often, one partner tries to make the relationship good - they put time and effort into showing their partner that they care. While the other partner just doesn’t bother or show any interest. This is a clear sign that one partner is pulling away from the other and that there are issues that need to be worked out. Otherwise, the relationship is over. Because if you’re going to be happy, you both need to try.
Is there a lack of respect?
One of the most important things in a healthy relationship is mutual respect. That’s why if your relationship lacks respect, it may be best to call it quits. This is because once the respect is gone - and one partner feels badly treated - coming back from it is almost impossible. Once a relationship reaches this stage, it’s become toxic.
The good news is that with counseling, you can get the respect back in your relationship. However, this is only possible if both yourself and your partner are committed to doing so. If not, it’s most probably best to consider breaking up and calling a divorce local, if you’re married, that is. Sometimes, you just have to take the leap and move on, no matter how hard it might be. Because, in the long-run, it’s what’s best for both of you.
Are you no longer a team?
The truth is that in happy relationships, both partners work together as part of a team. This means sharing the household chores, being fair about childcare, and anything else that needs doing. You should always be a united front, as the two of you are part of a partnership. If you are no longer willing to help and support each other, and don’t like to work together, this is a sign that something is seriously amiss.
If you’re able to sit down and talk the lack of teamwork through, that’s a great start to fixing things. However, if every time you sit down to discuss the situation, you end up arguing, this is a sign that there’s a serious problem in your relationship.
Has someone been unfaithful?
When it comes to relationships, the biggest problem is infidelity. There are a lot of things that can be forgiven, but often, being unfaithful isn’t one of them. Of course, if it was a one-off, drunken fumble that meant nothing, moving past it can be easier to do. However, if it was an affair that came with emotions, moving past it is not so easy. How can you forgive your partner for falling in love with someone else? Is it even possible?
For some couples who really love each other, it is possible. But even then, there is a lasting impact on the relationship, such as a lack of trust. So whether you choose to try and fix things after someone has cheated is up to you. But it’s important to realize that it will take a while for things to go back to normal if you do agree to stay together.
Do you struggle to communicate?
Last but not least, do you struggle to talk to one another? This may not seem like a deal breaker, but for a lot of couples, it can be. This is because it’s impossible to solve issues without good communication. If you can’t talk a problem through, it will get worse and worse, until it becomes a major problem. That’s why good communication is so important.
If the two of you struggle to communicate, mediation can be a good option. This is because it allows you to share your thoughts with each other in a safe space. Without the worry of things getting too heated, as there is a mediator in place to calm things down. If you don’t like the idea of mediation and aren’t willing to work through the communication barriers, it might be time to call it a day.
So there you have it, how to tell whether it’s time to call it quits and move on, or whether your relationship can be saved. It's never easy breaking up, but sometimes it can be for the best, and that's what it's important to remember.
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