100 Best Quotes From Netflix's Carry-On

A new film that has been circling around this winter season is Netflix's Carry-On.

Released in the beginning of December, this film centers around a young TSA agent, who must pass an illegal package through security, or risk his pregnant girlfriend being killed.

Two uniformed security personnel engage in a conversation in an indoor setting, with another person visible in the background.

Despite sounding like quite an intense film, there are many humorous elements that would make this a fun action film to watch with your family this season.

It centers around Christmas, and is rated PG-13, so it isn't super violent, and has a perfect amount of raunchy humor and holiday cheer.

It also has a happy ending, which I know we all love!

100 Quotes from Carry-On

Person in a black cap and jacket touching their ear, seated indoors with people in the background.

"I hate to tell you this, but Google says you can't drink coffee."
"Our baby can be one IQ point shy of genius."
"Getting closer, Walter. Almost killed me that time."
"You know what looks amazing in a bikini? A baby bump."
"I'll see you at lunch. Okay. Tahiti tomorrow."
"Airports turn people into such dickheads."
"This whiney thing that you're doing? My old ears can't even hear it."
"New $ANTo$ album out on SoundCloud and Patreon. Ten tracks of fire that'll make them cheeks clap."
"My lyrics are body positive, they are sex positive, and they open to anything except judgment."
"I have four whole dollars on me, Eddie. I'm giving you two."
"Play track two and your girl will have twins."
"I text one person. Well, good news travels fast."
"How many people did you tell? Literally every person that I saw since you told me."
"People need love in this world, man. Let them be happy for you."
"Kids are a curse, but they're also a blessing."
"Contraband Bingo is live."
"Five bucks per card. No cash. No card. Edward."
"Gummies, dildos, vibrators, knives, bullets. Everything gets a square."
"Not getting into the academy was a sign. Maybe that's not where I should be."
"You're growing a real set of balls there, young man."
"So you decided to participate in life. Great. Welcome to the shitshow."
"I need guys that give me more than bare minimum, guys who want to be here."
"If we met on the softball field, I bet we'd be buddies. We'd go out for beers after. But we're meeting like this. And I'm telling you how this goes."
"Now, keep your voice down and do exactly as I say."
"And you're watching me right now? Yes, I am."
"You should put that down before Sarkowski sees it."
"Listen, asshole. I work for the Department of Homeland Security. That's like the janitor at NASA calling himself an astronaut."
"When the plane departs at 5:40, you and Nora are free to live your lives."
"If the bag gets flagged, she dies. If you talk to the police, she dies."
"Now, you were a runner. Pick a track, stay in your lane."
"You've never made waves before, Ethan. You're not going to start now."
"Everyone, the TSA would like to personally congratulate you for escaping the LA traffic."
"To facilitate your getaway safely, we're gonna play a game I like to call...Put it in a bin!"
"I'm not going through that machine so you and your pervy buddies can take naked photos."
"I have my student ID. Is that okay? Do you have a passport? No."
"Is this 'cause I'm Muslim? Is this 'cause I'm Black? Is this 'cause I'm White?"
"You're putting on a show down here so the cameras up there can profile us. Do I look like a problem to you?"
"Your granny's cupcakes, your mom's sweet potato pie. Put it in the bin!"
"Well, when travelers see guys like you get tense, they get tense. And that's bad for me, which means it's bad for Nora. Okay? So calm down."
"You want me to be calm with a gun pointed at my girlfriend. Let's just try to put it out of your mind. Okay?"
"Tell me about your holiday plans. Yeah, okay. I'm not asking, Ethan. We don't have any, okay? You have no holiday plans? I sense maybe you're not a fan of Christmas, right?"
"Bah humbug. To me, Christmas is all about family. Really? The anonymous criminal threatening my pregnant girlfriend's telling me the meaning of Christmas? That's a fair point."
"You can trust me. You sure? 'Cause you've been lying to me since we met."
"Well, you wanted a rush on your cricket and I wanted peppermint Ho Hos. They're delicious and Shira won't buy Christmas flavors."
"You don't deserve Ho Hos. It was in a fire. This is a Christmas miracle. Hallelujah."
"But I do have a son. Does he know what you do for a living? He thinks I'm in insurance."
"I consider myself more of a freelance facilitator. Okay? What does that mean? Clients hire me to facilitate a specific result. It varies from job to job. And what's the result you're after now? Get a bag on a plane."
"You've been on autopilot for a while now. Why don't you quit? I will if you will."
"Dreams have an expiration date."
"I'm not saying chase your dreams. That's not a very honest thing to say, but there is no need to hate every minute of waking life."
"Your generation is just so taken with the concept of authenticity...that you will not take a bite. Real coffee, real pizza, real bagel. The thing you kids haven't come around to is that there's no real. Fulfillment is a lie that they use to sell paper towels."
"Does it take a doctorate to read a computer screen? Let's go."
"It's called a book. You might read one when you get your GED."
"Family man like that having a heart attack. You killed him."
"I gave you some simple rules. You got cute. I'd say you killed him."
"I'm not some cartoon villain. I'm just a regular guy like you except with goals and a clear plan to achieve them."
"In a few minutes, a guy with a red baseball cap is gonna walk into your lane. What do you have to do? Nothing. That's right."
"Tell me there isn't something horrible in that bag. No."
"If you're not on that machine by the time our man gets there, you're in breach. Then maybe I don't start with Nora."
"Hey you did good. Go to hell. I didn't say anything."
"You know, it's pretty weird. What? How your buddy, who's our designated driver every bar night, gets himself fired for drinking on the job. I thought I met assholes before..."
"Okay, Ethan, it's time to save Nora's life. Red baseball cap, three o'clock, by the bins."
"I thought you said you weren't a terrorist. I'm not. Terrorists kill for religious or political or social objectives."
"We're trained to identify explosives. I've never seen anything like that. Well, it's an A 234 nerve agent called Novichok 7."
"Chew that gum, take her out to lunch. I'll be listening. You guys brown-bag it?"
"You break routine, you attract attention."
"I only brought up the academy because it was your dream. It was what you always wanted. Well, what if I don't know what I want anymore?"
"Not the reaction you were hoping for, huh, buddy?"
"That's a smart woman. You should listen to her."
"Tell her she's right. Go on. Tell her. Take a risk, Ethan."
"Oopsie-daisy. Hope you got her a good present."
"Nora? You're the best thing in my life."
"I'll get the ball rolling with airport PD. They could use a head start given the shitstorm we're about to drop them."
"You drive. Texting and driving is how I kill people."
"You're ordering a random sweep of Terminal 7, middle of Christmas Eve, the busiest travel day of the year, and you're not gonna tell me why?"
"No, it's great. People love missing their flights. They come to the airport for the sushi."
"All right, listen up. All lines are officially on hold. Except you, Samir. You deal with that. Good Luck."
"Is it weird that I'm excited? Guys, don't get excited."
"Ethan, what did you do? Nothing, I didn't move. Why'd they pull my guy? It's a lottery system."
"You speak one word, and she dies. You have three seconds to back away."
"I was patient with you because I thought I liked you."
"People tell you who they are long before they open up their mouths. You know what you told me? That you're pathetic and you're asleep."
"You're someone that's so afraid to make a mistake, you're willing to let the whole world pass you by. That's how I knew you were my guy."
"Walk in and shoot the boss. What? Nothing fancy. One in the head, two max. It's a plastic gun."
"Each shot generates heat. If it melts, it'll explode in your hands. No, I can't do that. Really? You seemed ready to kill me a minute ago."
"I can knock him out. No. We don't have time to experiment."
"Shoot him. Who are you talking to?"
"You're not with them? I'm like you."
"Something's going on with you. And I'm gonna figure out what it is."
"I'm Ethan. Mateo. No, no. Get acquainted later. You need to dispose of that body and get moving."
"Agent John Alcott is on his way to the station right now. Yeah, we've had a network around your station for the last 72 hours. Who's we? And what do you want with the Novichok?"
"You're gonna shoot me doing 70 down the highway?"
"How'd you get involved? I asked for a raise."
"Are you all right? No, not all right. Ping my phone. Send somebody to ID the body. A body? Yeah. Alcott...wasn't Alcott."
"What is he doing down there? The guy's been acting wiggly all day."
"Hope you're all right. Give me the goddamn case or Nora dies. I don't wanna play hide-and-seek."
"All right. I'm done. Play it your way. Listen up. Kill the girl."
"I know this looks bad, but you have to let me go, I have to get to my girlfriend."
"Perfect timing. This just got super weird."
"You got good instincts, Kopek. Call me when you get that stitched up."

A woman with long dark hair in a red jacket looks over at a person in a blue shirt in a blurred indoor setting.

Carry-On Recap

A chaotic and quirky film, Carry-On is great for families with older teens that want to laugh, and cringe in suspense from this wintery action film.