60 Best Quotes from Nobody Wants This Season 1

Nobody Wants This is a romantic comedy about outspoken, agnostic podcast host Joanne (Kristen Bell) and unconventional rabbi Noah (Adam Brody) trying to make love work across big differences while their loved ones “help.”

Created by Erin Foster and inspired by elements of her own story, the series leans into chemistry, culture clash, and commitment.

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The 60 Best Quotes from Nobody Wants This (by episode)

Season 1, Episode 1 — “Pilot” Springfield! Springfield!

1. “Save it for the podcast, Joanne.” — Morgan
2. “I’m just in constant need of attention.” — Joanne
3. “I also like attention. I say I don’t, but I do.” — Noah
4. “Are you sure you should be drinking? You seem to be going through something.” — Noah
5. “The world is my office, Ashley.” — Joanne
6. “I’m sorry, Beck. I don’t think it is.” — Noah

Season 1, Episode 2 — “A Shiksa Walks Into a Temple” Springfield! Springfield!

7. “I’m sorry. Are you gaslighting us?” — Morgan
8. “I’m Sasha. Noah’s hotter older brother.” — Sasha
9. “He’s cuter than I expected… The brother is brutal.” — Morgan (text read aloud)
10. “Does my brother not look like he could control the media?” — Sasha
11. “I listened to ‘Dil‑do’s and Dil‑dont’s.’ Learned a lot.” — Noah
12. “It’s not every day a shiksa walks into the temple looking for the good rabbi.” — Sasha

Season 1, Episode 3 — “Either Aura” Springfield! Springfield!

13. “I just had the single greatest kiss of my entire existence.” — Joanne
14. “I’ve had a UTI for the last three days, and I didn’t even get it the fun way.” — Morgan
15. “You know when you see annoying couples eating ice cream, and you wanna kill them? We were that couple!” — Joanne
16. “He has a degree from the University of Turks and Caicos.” — Morgan
17. “I’m having a little bit of a hard time finding your aura.” — Dr. Jay Shah
18. “Do you think it’s possible that you can’t find it because this is not real?” — Joanne
19. “You’re cute, but you’re not ‘leave this Earth because you dumped someone’ cute.” — Sasha

Season 1, Episode 4 — “Obliterated” Springfield! Springfield!

20. “You gotta lock this guy down. He is hot… He’s like a [bleeping] unicorn in this town.” — Ashley
21. “Why drink the milk when you can buy the cow for free?” — Morgan
22. “Yeah. Esther and I are there too. More of a legal thing though.” — Sasha
23. “Oh, it’s like the Jewish aloha.” — Joanne
24. “It’s very exciting to have a gentile here… You’re naturally blonde with the ability to digest cheese.” — Rabbi Shira
25. “Would you like to go to the cabin with me?… I want to do Hot Rabbi things to you.” — Joanne

Season 1, Episode 5 — “My Friend Joanne” Springfield! Springfield!

26. “I don’t think I’ve left this bed since last Tuesday.” — Joanne
27. “Chivalry’s alive and well.” — Noah
28. “No one is more important than parents.” — Noah
29. “Oy vey! A Jewish rabbi.” — Lynn
30. “Every single meeting is important. We need to close this damn deal.” — Ashley
31. “For respect.” — Noah (arriving with flowers)

Season 1, Episode 6 — “The Ick” Springfield! Springfield!

32. “Because Joanne got a boyfriend and became boring.” — Morgan
33. “Tattoos, thick neck, light criminal record. That’s way more your type.” — Morgan
34. “Hava Nagila. They’re blessed now.” — Noah (joking over snacks)
35. “So you [bleep] that man through a sheet?” — Esther
36. “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” — Noah
37. “Associate? The company’s called Roklov and Sons, and your brother doesn’t even work there.” — Esther (to Sasha)

Season 1, Episode 7 — “WAGS” Springfield! Springfield!

38. “I aspire to be pinned.” — Joanne
39. “Noah, can you stop being so damn smooth?” — Ashley
40. “A wise woman once told me, ‘Whoever you hate, I hate.’” — Noah
41. “Tall people die earlier than everybody else, so enjoy me while I last.” — Joanne
42. “I want you to look at the balls.” — Noah (about his “Matzah Ballers” jersey)
43. “You know how if I hate someone, you have to hate them too?” — Joanne

Season 1, Episode 8 — “Rebecca’s Box” Springfield! Springfield!

44. “What are you doing for the next 20 years?” — Rabbi Cohen
45. “I think I’m looking at a rabbi who has suddenly realized that he likes a nice blonde crab cake.” — Rabbi Cohen
46. “Start with the fun stuff. Do not let her try gefilte fish.” — Rabbi Cohen
47. “She is gorgeous. They look really good together.” — Morgan (peeking in the box)
48. “So help me at dinner and make being Jewish seem really, really awesome… I want you to close it for me.” — Noah (to Sasha)

Season 1, Episode 9 — “My Girl Bina” Springfield! Springfield!

49. “The goal was to be in the NBA, but, you know, that’s all political.” — Noah
50. “I wanted to spend my life trying to help keep it alive.” — Noah (about Judaism)
51. “Please, call me Mrs. Roklov.” — Bina
52. “Prosciutto is pork.” — Bina
53. “We do not serve red in this house because there have been incidents.” — Bina
54. “I love that you protect your mom, but it’s okay to push back sometimes.” — Joanne

Season 1, Episode 10 — “Bat Mitzvah Crashers” Springfield! Springfield!

55. “I love making out on a weekday. It feels like high school.” — Joanne
56. “Just be Jewish.” — Ryann
57. “She stands for things. Feminism. You’re a fan of that, right?” — Ashley
58. “I’ve reinvented myself dozens of times.” — Joanne
59. “I don’t engage in gossip. Lashon hara.” — Noah
60. “Because nobody wants me here, Noah.” — Joanne
61. “I decided that I want to be a part of your world because I want to be with you.” — Joanne
62. “I’m gonna convert.” — Joanne

Bonus: Fan‑ranked zingers (a handful the internet keeps quoting) — the fan‑voted list includes Ashley’s infamous, very‑online burn and some of Noah’s gentler vows.

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Why these lines?

The show’s voice toggles between messy, confessional comedy (Joanne and Morgan’s podcast riffs), family roast‑humor (Bina, Esther, Sasha), and quiet, vulnerable sincerity (Noah explaining why ritual steadies him).

The quotes above surface that blend: prickly truths, sibling chaos, culture‑clash jokes, and a romance that keeps asking, How do we stay ourselves and still choose each other?

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Conclusion

Whether you’re here for Hot Rabbi one‑liners, sister‑pod snark, or swoony declarations, Nobody Wants This delivers caption‑ready quotes with heart.

Bookmark this list for your next group‑chat debate—or your next Havdalah‑by‑candlelight Instagram.

And if you’re rewatching, use the episode sections to find your favorite lines fast.