Nobody Wants This is a romantic comedy about outspoken, agnostic podcast host Joanne (Kristen Bell) and unconventional rabbi Noah (Adam Brody) trying to make love work across big differences while their loved ones “help.”
Created by Erin Foster and inspired by elements of her own story, the series leans into chemistry, culture clash, and commitment.

The 60 Best Quotes from Nobody Wants This (by episode)
Season 1, Episode 1 — “Pilot” Springfield! Springfield!
- “Save it for the podcast, Joanne.” — Morgan
- “I’m just in constant need of attention.” — Joanne
- “I also like attention. I say I don’t, but I do.” — Noah
- “Are you sure you should be drinking? You seem to be going through something.” — Noah
- “The world is my office, Ashley.” — Joanne
- “I’m sorry, Beck. I don’t think it is.” — Noah
Season 1, Episode 2 — “A Shiksa Walks Into a Temple” Springfield! Springfield!
- “I’m sorry. Are you gaslighting us?” — Morgan
- “I’m Sasha. Noah’s hotter older brother.” — Sasha
- “He’s cuter than I expected… The brother is brutal.” — Morgan (text read aloud)
- “Does my brother not look like he could control the media?” — Sasha
- “I listened to ‘Dil‑do’s and Dil‑dont’s.’ Learned a lot.” — Noah
- “It’s not every day a shiksa walks into the temple looking for the good rabbi.” — Sasha
Season 1, Episode 3 — “Either Aura” Springfield! Springfield!
- “I just had the single greatest kiss of my entire existence.” — Joanne
- “I’ve had a UTI for the last three days, and I didn’t even get it the fun way.” — Morgan
- “You know when you see annoying couples eating ice cream, and you wanna kill them? We were that couple!” — Joanne
- “He has a degree from the University of Turks and Caicos.” — Morgan
- “I’m having a little bit of a hard time finding your aura.” — Dr. Jay Shah
- “Do you think it’s possible that you can’t find it because this is not real?” — Joanne
- “You’re cute, but you’re not ‘leave this Earth because you dumped someone’ cute.” — Sasha
Season 1, Episode 4 — “Obliterated” Springfield! Springfield!
- “You gotta lock this guy down. He is hot… He’s like a [bleeping] unicorn in this town.” — Ashley
- “Why drink the milk when you can buy the cow for free?” — Morgan
- “Yeah. Esther and I are there too. More of a legal thing though.” — Sasha
- “Oh, it’s like the Jewish aloha.” — Joanne
- “It’s very exciting to have a gentile here… You’re naturally blonde with the ability to digest cheese.” — Rabbi Shira
- “Would you like to go to the cabin with me?… I want to do Hot Rabbi things to you.” — Joanne
Season 1, Episode 5 — “My Friend Joanne” Springfield! Springfield!
- “I don’t think I’ve left this bed since last Tuesday.” — Joanne
- “Chivalry’s alive and well.” — Noah
- “No one is more important than parents.” — Noah
- “Oy vey! A Jewish rabbi.” — Lynn
- “Every single meeting is important. We need to close this damn deal.” — Ashley
- “For respect.” — Noah (arriving with flowers)
Season 1, Episode 6 — “The Ick” Springfield! Springfield!
- “Because Joanne got a boyfriend and became boring.” — Morgan
- “Tattoos, thick neck, light criminal record. That’s way more your type.” — Morgan
- “Hava Nagila. They’re blessed now.” — Noah (joking over snacks)
- “So you [bleep] that man through a sheet?” — Esther
- “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” — Noah
- “Associate? The company’s called Roklov and Sons, and your brother doesn’t even work there.” — Esther (to Sasha)
Season 1, Episode 7 — “WAGS” Springfield! Springfield!
- “I aspire to be pinned.” — Joanne
- “Noah, can you stop being so damn smooth?” — Ashley
- “A wise woman once told me, ‘Whoever you hate, I hate.’” — Noah
- “Tall people die earlier than everybody else, so enjoy me while I last.” — Joanne
- “I want you to look at the balls.” — Noah (about his “Matzah Ballers” jersey)
- “You know how if I hate someone, you have to hate them too?” — Joanne
Season 1, Episode 8 — “Rebecca’s Box” Springfield! Springfield!
- “What are you doing for the next 20 years?” — Rabbi Cohen
- “I think I’m looking at a rabbi who has suddenly realized that he likes a nice blonde crab cake.” — Rabbi Cohen
- “Start with the fun stuff. Do not let her try gefilte fish.” — Rabbi Cohen
- “She is gorgeous. They look really good together.” — Morgan (peeking in the box)
- “So help me at dinner and make being Jewish seem really, really awesome… I want you to close it for me.” — Noah (to Sasha)
Season 1, Episode 9 — “My Girl Bina” Springfield! Springfield!
- “The goal was to be in the NBA, but, you know, that’s all political.” — Noah
- “I wanted to spend my life trying to help keep it alive.” — Noah (about Judaism)
- “Please, call me Mrs. Roklov.” — Bina
- “Prosciutto is pork.” — Bina
- “We do not serve red in this house because there have been incidents.” — Bina
- “I love that you protect your mom, but it’s okay to push back sometimes.” — Joanne
Season 1, Episode 10 — “Bat Mitzvah Crashers” Springfield! Springfield!
- “I love making out on a weekday. It feels like high school.” — Joanne
- “Just be Jewish.” — Ryann
- “She stands for things. Feminism. You’re a fan of that, right?” — Ashley
- “I’ve reinvented myself dozens of times.” — Joanne
- “I don’t engage in gossip. Lashon hara.” — Noah
- “Because nobody wants me here, Noah.” — Joanne
- “I decided that I want to be a part of your world because I want to be with you.” — Joanne
- “I’m gonna convert.” — Joanne
Bonus: Fan‑ranked zingers (a handful the internet keeps quoting) — the fan‑voted list includes Ashley’s infamous, very‑online burn and some of Noah’s gentler vows.
Why these lines?
The show’s voice toggles between messy, confessional comedy (Joanne and Morgan’s podcast riffs), family roast‑humor (Bina, Esther, Sasha), and quiet, vulnerable sincerity (Noah explaining why ritual steadies him).
The quotes above surface that blend: prickly truths, sibling chaos, culture‑clash jokes, and a romance that keeps asking, How do we stay ourselves and still choose each other?
Conclusion
Whether you’re here for Hot Rabbi one‑liners, sister‑pod snark, or swoony declarations, Nobody Wants This delivers caption‑ready quotes with heart.
Bookmark this list for your next group‑chat debate—or your next Havdalah‑by‑candlelight Instagram.
And if you’re rewatching, use the episode sections to find your favorite lines fast.





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