Dirty Grandpa, released in 2016, stars Robert De Niro, and Zac Efron, alongside Aubrey Plaza, Zoey Deutch, and Julianne Hough.
The film revolves around a Grandpa, Dick Kelly, whose wife just passed, and after 40 years of marriage, he has only one thing on his mind. To have sex.
Dick recruits the help of his grandson, Jason Kelly, as they go on a hilariously wild, raunchy road trip to Daytona Beach for Spring Break.
Dirty Grandpa is filled to the brim with funny situations and off-the-wall one-liners that ensure there's never a moment where you’re not laughing while watching the movie.
Here’s the scoop on the best quotes from Dirty Grandpa!
1. “You’re just a dirty, dirty grandpa, and I’m just a girl from Long Island City who likes to mess with old people.” -Lenore
2. “The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl.” -Dick Kelly
3. “Look, I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can do this. I haven't done it for a long time.” -Dick Kelly
4. “I’m gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want summa dat drank? Summa dat purple drank? -Dick Kelly
5. “Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower.” -Lenore
6. “Are you dying?” -Lenore
7. “Like the keynote speaker at a butt convention.” -Dick Kelly
8. “We have a long standing bet who’s the better golfer. Obviously, I’ve got the bigger three wood.” -Dick Kelly
9. “Yeah? Well, I got news for you. That’s the only thing that’s gonna be pulling out tonight.” -Dick Kelly
10. “Hey, you know your cigars. What are you, half Cuban or something?” -Dick Kelly
11. “I don’t think you’re very popular here, Grandpa.” -Jason Kelly
12. “You’re the one that’s going to have to watch out. You might get Oreo’d.” -Dick Kelly
13. "You’re the cream in the middle.” -Dick Kelly
14. “You’re like some sort of terminator sent back from the future to block humans.” -Dick Kelly
15. “The Robots should’ve sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could’ve blocked John Conners’ parents and he never would’ve been born.” -Dick Kelly
16. “Party till you’re pregnant!” -Dick Kelly
17. “You’re gonna tsunami on my face.” -Lenore
18. “Ever since I retired from being an astronaut. It’s nice to see some heavenly bodies around here too.” -Dick Kelly
19. “What, I told them the truth. I told them that I'm getting married next week and that you're not well because your wife just died.” -Jason Kelly
20. “Those cougars wanted to party.” -Dick Kelly
21. “You’re like the Israeli iron dome defense system.” -Dick Kelly
22. “Now you're pushing some papers in a law firm.” -Dick Kelly
23. “It’s Florida, these people don't matter.” -Tan Pam
24. We have two hot, smart, beautiful college girls at the peak of their sexual powers about to meet us at one of the last great nightclubs in Florida. Worry about them.” -Dick Kelly
25. “Yeah, which one is the diabetes conference .” -Dick Kelly
26. “I’m selling drugs man, trying to put my kids through preschool.” Tan Pam
27. “Have you been reading s— off the shot glasses and the shirts in here and just saying it like its wisdom?” -Jason Kelly
28. “It’s not a hacky sack, that's a trade name. It’s an organic hempseed foot satchel.” -Griz
29. “Tell me you’ve fallen and you can’t get up.” -Lenore
30. “You’re going to flood like the Nile.” -Dick Kelly
31. “You don’t just die from cancer, Jason.” -Cousin Nick
32. “She told me on her deathbed: ‘You get back out there again’.” -Dick Kelly
33. “No, this isn’t high. It’s an e-cigarette. It’s filled with a little weed, but it’s an e-cigarette.” -Cousin Nick
34. “Grow up? How adult are you? What are you listening to NPR in your Volvo? Do you play racquetball competitively against business associates?” -Cousin Nick
35. “We’re heading to Daytona. So you guys want to tag along for a bit?" -Lenore
36. “Besides, I can't chug alcohol anymore like I used to, Grandpa. I developed like a gag reflex.” -Jason Kelly
37. “You’re chugging a beer not taking down a horse, Jason. Come on.” -Dick Kelly
38. “She’s not right for you! If you marry her you’re going to be sleepwalking through the rest of your life.” -Dick Kelly
39. “I found a Werther’s Original in the pocket and I’ve been sucking on it all morning.” -Lenore
40. “Now fumble around and pretend like you’re trying to find your glasses.” -Lenore
41. “You know, most grandpas just want toffee.” -Jason Kelly
42. “Now let’s get in that giant labia you drove up in and get out of here.” -Dick Kelly
43. “I can’t do it without you, so I’m asking you please Jason.” -Dick Kelly
44. “I'm just gonna check the testosterone levels on your phone, just as I thought pretty low.” -Dick Kelly
45. “Ah, so you caught me taking a number three big deal right.” -Dick Kelly
46. “What is wrong with you? I'm about to get married, Grandpa. In one week, to a Jewish girl...” -Jason Kelly
47. “No calls. For one night stop worrying about your wedding please.” -Dick Kelly
48. “Who’s the lesbian?” -Stinky
49. “What’s wrong with that? Feeling young again. What do I have? A dead wife, dying friends, a few good years left, if I'm lucky, and you know what, it freaks me out.” -Dick Kelly
50. “Alright, I was special forces. I trained insurgents behind enemy lines from Vietnam to Iraq. Now, give me the beer can come on.” -Dick Kelly
51. “Nobody wears a white belt. The only people who wear white belts are people who suck at karate and people who suck at life.” -Dick Kelly
52. “You’re not going to die on me are you?” -Lenore
53. “Leave my illegitimate black son alone.” -Dick Kelly
54. “Sometimes you just gotta take that punch upfront, you know. Then things get easier in the long run.” -Dick Kelly
55. “Don’t let your junk touch my leg again or you're sleeping on the floor.” -Jason Kelly
56. “You just opened the gateway...” -Dick Kelly
57. “You're so good at singing you actually suck.” -Lenore
58. “When you get married it's for a long time, and it's hard, so it damn well better be with a woman who keeps things interesting.” -Dick Kelly
59. “Back off D cups.” -Dick Kelly
60. “The villagers will finally eat.” -Dick Kelly
61. “I should've known you were crazy the moment you started hitting on women the day after grandma's funeral.” -Jason Kelly
62. “What am I supposed to do now? Chase around some college girl that doesn't even want to talk to me. Not knowing what I'm doing for the rest of my life.” -Jason Kelly
63. “You’re lucky you're not your dad.” -Dick Kelly
64. “I messed up as a father. I wasn't there to raise your dad and he turned into a materialistic, henpecked, country clubber.” -Dick Kelly
65. “I was your last ditch redemption project.” -Jason Kelly
66. “You think that message should come from me? Okay.” -Cousin Nick
67. “I just broke up with my fiance and lost my job. And I think I'm wanted by the police, so. A year at sea might actually be the best place for me.” -Jason Kelly
68. “He usually sits at home just drawing dolphins all day.” -Dick Kelly
69. “Who does you taxes H&R Block?” -Dick Kelly
70. “Just try not to join the cast of Rent on the way back.” -Dick Kelly
71. “You're going down old man.” -Cody
72. “Call a lifeguard, I think there's been a ‘shart’ attack.” -Tan Pam
73. “Keep him heavily sedated, but don't be afraid to pull the plug if you have to.” -Dick Kelly
74. “You better lose that white polo shirt and those pleated khaki pants. You’re meeting up with girls...” -Dick Kelly
75. “Not the girth, not the length but the same style.” -Dick Kelly
76. “My stepdad hates me!” -Lenore
77. “Let's not dirty this place up. It’s a shrine. Sinatra sang here. Parking lot?” -Dick Kelly
78. “We have no crew. We have no crew.” -Jason Kelly
79. “I like the way you took that haymaker tonight.” -Dick Kelly
80. “Hey, light out after 12:00, boys. I better not catch you swimming across the lake to the girls’ camp, okay?” -Shadia
81. “What’s someone from the laser tag lobby doing here?” -Griz
82. “Lebanese Red. I had some of this left over from my time in the Middle East. You throw some of this around, you can really get away with anything.” - Dick Kelly
83. “You’re smoking grass now? Jesus, this is a gateway drug Grandpa.” -Jason Kelly
84. “I think I'm gonna call off my wedding.” -Jason Kelly
85. “I miss having someone to share everything with.” -Dick Kelly
86. “Well, it looks like Spring Break is finally drug-free.” -Officer Finch
87. “I’ll wait for you Grandpa.” -Lenore
Dirty Grandpa is definitely not one of Robert De Niro's typical movies, but in this film, he really lets his comedic chops show and his delivery makes those raunchy quotes that much better.
Although the film saw success at the box office, critics panned the film making a sequel unfortunately unlikely.
Watch Now on Netflix!
Get the scoop on more funny quotes by visiting the ones below:
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