100+ Hilarious Young Sheldon Quotes from the Iconic Sitcom

Known as a child prodigy, Sheldon Cooper is brilliant and eccentric, and it reflects in his funny quotes throughout the show. Sheldon embarks on a remarkable journey of intellect, social awkwardness, and self-discovery.

Young Sheldon takes place in a small Texas town as he deals with unique challenges and comedic interactions with family, friends, and the world around him.

The poster for the hilarious sitcom Young Sheldon, featuring memorable quotes. — CBS Studios

Best Quotes from Young Sheldon That Will Make You Laugh

“I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I don’t follow football, but I’m pretty sure if you’re on the field, the goal is to go that way.” – Sheldon Cooper.
“I may not know what you’re saying half the time, but damn, I love listening to you talk.” – Tam Nguyen.
“You don’t have to prove you’re smart all the time. Sometimes it’s okay just to be happy.” – Meemaw.
“I’m not avoiding you, I’m just here on a higher plane of existence.” – Sheldon Cooper
“Why are you crying? I haven’t told you what the surprise is yet.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I have an IQ of 187, the same as Sir Isaac Newton.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I never said I was mad at you. I just said you betrayed me.” – Sheldon Cooper
I’m not a chicken. You’re a chicken!” – Sheldon Cooper
“It’s not a spork, it’s a foon.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m a child prodigy, I can do it!” – Sheldon Cooper
The trick to having a good life is to figure out what your gift is and use it to help others.” – Dr. John Sturgis
“I’m not interested in a girlfriend. I’m not going to be the guy who meets a girl and falls in love.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not saying I’m not an alien. I’m just saying you haven’t seen me and an alien in the same room together.” – Sheldon Cooper
You’re not done with your chicken pot pie.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a toddler. I can survive a few hours without attention.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a hippie. I don’t even know what a hippie is. Is it a kind of spider?” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a fan of this new information.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not insane, my mother had me tested five times.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a child. I’m a superior form of human being.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a hippie. I’m an emperor penguin. They mate for life.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not crying. It’s just liquid pride.” – Sheldon Cooper
I’m not addicted to video games. I’m just in a committed relationship with virtual reality.” – Sheldon Cooper.
“I’m not sure why you’re complaining. You won. I’m giving you my cookie.” – Sheldon Cooper.
“I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together.” – Sheldon Cooper.
“I’m not trying to be difficult. It comes naturally.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a superhero. I’m a high-functioning sociopath.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not going to use a plate. Paper towels are more absorbent.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not going to Hogwarts. It’s not real. Wanna hear about quantum mechanics?” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not saying I’m a genius. I’m just saying people who call themselves geniuses usually are.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a fan of change. I feel like you just jumped a shark.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not saying I’m without mercy, but I am without mercy.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a tattletale, I’m a teacher’s assistant. It’s a subtle difference.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a germaphobe. I just don’t want to die because someone didn’t wash their hands.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not hiding, I’m safely tucking myself away for the day.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not nervous. My body is just preparing itself for battle.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not saying I’m indestructible. But you’ve never seen me and Superman in the same room.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not good at keeping secrets. That’s why I don’t have any.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not saying I’m a superhero. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Spider-Man in a room together.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not ignoring you. I’m just busy internalizing the complete works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I find that I’m not invited to many parties.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not clumsy. It’s just that the floor hates me, tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not old. I’m just not young. There’s a difference.” – Meemaw
“I’m not giving up, I’m strategically surrendering.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not concerned about your feelings. I’m concerned about my spot.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m just saying I disagree with you.” – Sheldon Cooper
I’m not interested in fashion. It’s cyclical and pointless.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not boastful. It’s just that I’m genuinely superior to everyone around me.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not condescending. I’m accurately assessing your abilities.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not capable of love. But if I were, I’d love myself the most.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m just trying to be me, and sometimes that’s difficult for people to understand.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not saying I’m special. But I’m definitely not like all the other kids.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a brat. I’m exceptionally gifted, and people just don’t understand my needs.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a slob. I’m just very creative with my storage solutions.” – Sheldon Cooper
“Once you open the box, it loses its value.” – Sheldon Cooper
“We only pass the salt once a week. It’s a whole big thing.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I think you’re forgetting that I have a gift. The gift of a computer-like mind.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I don’t have a problem with authority. I am the authority.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a nerd. I’m a highly intelligent, socially challenged, egomaniacal misanthrope.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m a child prodigy, I can do it!” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’d ask you to sit, but you’re not real.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a crazy person. I’m a scientist.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not avoiding you, I’m just here on a higher plane of existence.” – Sheldon Cooper
“The only person who has a key to this place is my mother, and I’m not hiding from her.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not being rude. I’m engaging in the time-honored academic tradition of ignoring you.” – Sheldon Cooper
I don’t like human contact, sports, or outdoor activities of any kind.” – Sheldon Cooper
“It’s not that I don’t like people. It’s just that I find their presence unnerving.” – Sheldon Cooper
I’m not as familiar with the laws of your community as I am with the fundamental laws of the universe.” – Sheldon Cooper
I don’t understand why people are interested in my personal life.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not making this up, I can’t make this up, it’s a violation of the rules.” – Sheldon Cooper
I’m not ready for middle school. The only dance I’ve ever been to is a Sadie Hawkins, and that was a disaster.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not suggesting we kill her, but you know, we could rough her up a little.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not comfortable with the general principle of trying new things.” – Sheldon Cooper
I’m not sure what my alternate plan is, but I’m sure it involves a lot of library books and a complete lack of physical activity.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a child. I’m a superior form of human being.” – Sheldon Cooper
The Lord may not have blessed me with kids, but he did bless me with a high metabolism and a rockin’ bod.” – Mary Cooper
“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested four times.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on MySpace.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I have a very high IQ. I’m a physicist. I’m not used to being outsmarted by a can of soup.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not a slave to the ‘status quo’. I am my own man, and I do things my own way.” – Sheldon Cooper
“You’re in my spot.” – Sheldon Cooper
If it’s ‘crazy’ to be devoted to my work, then I don’t want to be ‘sane’.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I don’t need friends. They disappoint me.” – Sheldon Cooper
“If it weren’t for me, you’d be in a dark garage, making models out of balsa wood.” – Sheldon Cooper
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a genius and have to pretend to be normal all the time?” – Sheldon Cooper
We are the proud parents of a child who can’t reach the top shelf.” – Mary Cooper
I don’t know why we’re celebrating my birthday. It’s the day my mother pushed me out her hoo-ha, and nothing good happened after that.” – Sheldon Cooper
“My bowtie’s a clip-on. Because I can’t tie a bowtie. What’s your excuse?” – Sheldon Cooper
I would have been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I have a working knowledge of other religions. I accept that Hinduism exists. How many gods do they have? And what do they do with the extra arms?” – Sheldon Cooper
“We could figure out what’s wrong with it, or we could use the money to buy a new one.” – Sheldon Cooper
“Your opinion is not an objective reality.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I must sit near the front. Teachers always sit smart kids near the front.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I like my unibrow. It makes me different.” – Sheldon Cooper
“When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them a hot beverage. You couldn’t bring me a beverage hot enough.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not in the business of baking. I’m in the business of science.” – Sheldon Cooper
“I’m not going to class. The bell rang.” – Sheldon Cooper
I should let you know, I read a book on Jiu-Jitsu, and I am prepared to throw it at you.” – Young Sheldon

In this whimsical world of family, academia, and brilliantly peculiar insights, Shelton Cooper, a tiny genius with an IQ that matches Newton, takes us on a journey.

Young Sheldon provides laughter and life lessons through his quotes that leave an indelible mark on the heart.

Watch now on Netflix and CBS!