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100+ Hilarious Young Sheldon Quotes from the Iconic Sitcom

Known as a child prodigy, Sheldon Cooper is brilliant and eccentric, and it reflects in his funny quotes throughout the show. Sheldon embarks on a remarkable journey of intellect, social awkwardness, and self-discovery.

Young Sheldon takes place in a small Texas town as he deals with unique challenges and comedic interactions with family, friends, and the world around him.

The poster for the hilarious sitcom Young Sheldon, featuring memorable quotes.
CBS Studios

Best Quotes from Young Sheldon That Will Make You Laugh

  1. “I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested.” – Sheldon Cooper
  2. “I don’t follow football, but I’m pretty sure if you’re on the field, the goal is to go that way.” – Sheldon Cooper.
  3. “I may not know what you’re saying half the time, but damn, I love listening to you talk.” – Tam Nguyen.
  4. “You don’t have to prove you’re smart all the time. Sometimes it’s okay just to be happy.” – Meemaw.
  5. “I’m not avoiding you, I’m just here on a higher plane of existence.” – Sheldon Cooper
  6. “Why are you crying? I haven’t told you what the surprise is yet.” – Sheldon Cooper
  7. “I have an IQ of 187, the same as Sir Isaac Newton.” – Sheldon Cooper
  8. “I never said I was mad at you. I just said you betrayed me.” – Sheldon Cooper
  9. I’m not a chicken. You’re a chicken!” – Sheldon Cooper
  10. “It’s not a spork, it’s a foon.” – Sheldon Cooper
  11. “I’m a child prodigy, I can do it!” – Sheldon Cooper
  12. The trick to having a good life is to figure out what your gift is and use it to help others.” – Dr. John Sturgis
  13. “I’m not interested in a girlfriend. I’m not going to be the guy who meets a girl and falls in love.” – Sheldon Cooper
  14. “I’m not saying I’m not an alien. I’m just saying you haven’t seen me and an alien in the same room together.” – Sheldon Cooper
  15. You’re not done with your chicken pot pie.” – Sheldon Cooper
  16. “I’m not a toddler. I can survive a few hours without attention.” – Sheldon Cooper
  17. “I’m not a hippie. I don’t even know what a hippie is. Is it a kind of spider?” – Sheldon Cooper
  18. “I’m not a fan of this new information.” – Sheldon Cooper
  19. “I’m not insane, my mother had me tested five times.” – Sheldon Cooper
  20. “I’m not a child. I’m a superior form of human being.” – Sheldon Cooper
  21. “I’m not a hippie. I’m an emperor penguin. They mate for life.” – Sheldon Cooper
  22. “I’m not crying. It’s just liquid pride.” – Sheldon Cooper
  23. I’m not addicted to video games. I’m just in a committed relationship with virtual reality.” – Sheldon Cooper.
  24. “I’m not sure why you’re complaining. You won. I’m giving you my cookie.” – Sheldon Cooper.
  25. “I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together.” – Sheldon Cooper.
  26. “I’m not trying to be difficult. It comes naturally.” – Sheldon Cooper
  27. “I’m not a superhero. I’m a high-functioning sociopath.” – Sheldon Cooper
  28. “I’m not going to use a plate. Paper towels are more absorbent.” – Sheldon Cooper
  29. “I’m not going to Hogwarts. It’s not real. Wanna hear about quantum mechanics?” – Sheldon Cooper
  30. “I’m not saying I’m a genius. I’m just saying people who call themselves geniuses usually are.” – Sheldon Cooper
  31. “I’m not a fan of change. I feel like you just jumped a shark.” – Sheldon Cooper
  32. “I’m not saying I’m without mercy, but I am without mercy.” – Sheldon Cooper
  33. “I’m not a tattletale, I’m a teacher’s assistant. It’s a subtle difference.” – Sheldon Cooper
  34. “I’m not a germaphobe. I just don’t want to die because someone didn’t wash their hands.” – Sheldon Cooper
  35. “I’m not hiding, I’m safely tucking myself away for the day.” – Sheldon Cooper
  36. “I’m not nervous. My body is just preparing itself for battle.” – Sheldon Cooper
  37. “I’m not saying I’m indestructible. But you’ve never seen me and Superman in the same room.” – Sheldon Cooper
  38. “I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.” – Sheldon Cooper
  39. “I’m not good at keeping secrets. That’s why I don’t have any.” – Sheldon Cooper
  40. “I’m not saying I’m a superhero. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Spider-Man in a room together.” – Sheldon Cooper
  41. “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just busy internalizing the complete works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.” – Sheldon Cooper
  42. “I find that I’m not invited to many parties.” – Sheldon Cooper
  43. “I’m not clumsy. It’s just that the floor hates me, tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way.” – Sheldon Cooper
  44. “I’m not old. I’m just not young. There’s a difference.” – Meemaw
  45. “I’m not giving up, I’m strategically surrendering.” – Sheldon Cooper
  46. “I’m not concerned about your feelings. I’m concerned about my spot.” – Sheldon Cooper
  47. “I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m just saying I disagree with you.” – Sheldon Cooper
  48. I’m not interested in fashion. It’s cyclical and pointless.” – Sheldon Cooper
  49. “I’m not boastful. It’s just that I’m genuinely superior to everyone around me.” – Sheldon Cooper
  50. “I’m not condescending. I’m accurately assessing your abilities.” – Sheldon Cooper
  51. “I’m not capable of love. But if I were, I’d love myself the most.” – Sheldon Cooper
  52. “I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m just trying to be me, and sometimes that’s difficult for people to understand.” – Sheldon Cooper
  53. “I’m not saying I’m special. But I’m definitely not like all the other kids.” – Sheldon Cooper
  54. “I’m not a brat. I’m exceptionally gifted, and people just don’t understand my needs.” – Sheldon Cooper
  55. “I’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual.” – Sheldon Cooper
  56. “I’m not a slob. I’m just very creative with my storage solutions.” – Sheldon Cooper
  57. “Once you open the box, it loses its value.” – Sheldon Cooper
  58. “We only pass the salt once a week. It’s a whole big thing.” – Sheldon Cooper
  59. “I think you’re forgetting that I have a gift. The gift of a computer-like mind.” – Sheldon Cooper
  60. “I don’t have a problem with authority. I am the authority.” – Sheldon Cooper
  61. “I’m not a nerd. I’m a highly intelligent, socially challenged, egomaniacal misanthrope.” – Sheldon Cooper
  62. “I’m a child prodigy, I can do it!” – Sheldon Cooper
  63. “I’d ask you to sit, but you’re not real.” – Sheldon Cooper
  64. “I’m not a crazy person. I’m a scientist.” – Sheldon Cooper
  65. “I’m not avoiding you, I’m just here on a higher plane of existence.” – Sheldon Cooper
  66. “The only person who has a key to this place is my mother, and I’m not hiding from her.” – Sheldon Cooper
  67. “I’m not being rude. I’m engaging in the time-honored academic tradition of ignoring you.” – Sheldon Cooper
  68. I don’t like human contact, sports, or outdoor activities of any kind.” – Sheldon Cooper
  69. “It’s not that I don’t like people. It’s just that I find their presence unnerving.” – Sheldon Cooper
  70. I’m not as familiar with the laws of your community as I am with the fundamental laws of the universe.” – Sheldon Cooper
  71. I don’t understand why people are interested in my personal life.” – Sheldon Cooper
  72. “I’m not making this up, I can’t make this up, it’s a violation of the rules.” – Sheldon Cooper
  73. I’m not ready for middle school. The only dance I’ve ever been to is a Sadie Hawkins, and that was a disaster.” – Sheldon Cooper
  74. “I’m not suggesting we kill her, but you know, we could rough her up a little.” – Sheldon Cooper
  75. “I’m not comfortable with the general principle of trying new things.” – Sheldon Cooper
  76. I’m not sure what my alternate plan is, but I’m sure it involves a lot of library books and a complete lack of physical activity.” – Sheldon Cooper
  77. “I’m not a child. I’m a superior form of human being.” – Sheldon Cooper
  78. The Lord may not have blessed me with kids, but he did bless me with a high metabolism and a rockin’ bod.” – Mary Cooper
  79. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested four times.” – Sheldon Cooper
  80. “I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on MySpace.” – Sheldon Cooper
  81. “I have a very high IQ. I’m a physicist. I’m not used to being outsmarted by a can of soup.” – Sheldon Cooper
  82. “I’m not a slave to the ‘status quo’. I am my own man, and I do things my own way.” – Sheldon Cooper
  83. “You’re in my spot.” – Sheldon Cooper
  84. If it’s ‘crazy’ to be devoted to my work, then I don’t want to be ‘sane’.” – Sheldon Cooper
  85. “I don’t need friends. They disappoint me.” – Sheldon Cooper
  86. “If it weren’t for me, you’d be in a dark garage, making models out of balsa wood.” – Sheldon Cooper
  87. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a genius and have to pretend to be normal all the time?” – Sheldon Cooper
  88. We are the proud parents of a child who can’t reach the top shelf.” – Mary Cooper
  89. I don’t know why we’re celebrating my birthday. It’s the day my mother pushed me out her hoo-ha, and nothing good happened after that.” – Sheldon Cooper
  90. “My bowtie’s a clip-on. Because I can’t tie a bowtie. What’s your excuse?” – Sheldon Cooper
  91. I would have been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on.” – Sheldon Cooper
  92. “I have a working knowledge of other religions. I accept that Hinduism exists. How many gods do they have? And what do they do with the extra arms?” – Sheldon Cooper
  93. “We could figure out what’s wrong with it, or we could use the money to buy a new one.” – Sheldon Cooper
  94. “Your opinion is not an objective reality.” – Sheldon Cooper
  95. “I must sit near the front. Teachers always sit smart kids near the front.” – Sheldon Cooper
  96. “I like my unibrow. It makes me different.” – Sheldon Cooper
  97. “When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them a hot beverage. You couldn’t bring me a beverage hot enough.” – Sheldon Cooper
  98. “I’m not in the business of baking. I’m in the business of science.” – Sheldon Cooper
  99. “I’m not going to class. The bell rang.” – Sheldon Cooper
  100. I should let you know, I read a book on Jiu-Jitsu, and I am prepared to throw it at you.” – Young Sheldon

In this whimsical world of family, academia, and brilliantly peculiar insights, Shelton Cooper, a tiny genius with an IQ that matches Newton, takes us on a journey.

Young Sheldon provides laughter and life lessons through his quotes that leave an indelible mark on the heart.

Watch now on Netflix and CBS!

Funny quotes from Young Sheldon.

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